A Ghoul Versus Beautiful Creatures (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Oh, Emma's not done just yet though. It turns out Lena's Claiming is going to happen on the most powerful solstice in 5000 years, which will make her more powerful than anyone and finally lead the Casters out of hiding, free from the oppression of the Muggles. Voldemort longs for a day when Casters can be their true selves without having to- wait, which movie is this? Oh, Beautiful Creatures? Okay, I was WONDERING when Voldemort got his nose to grow back.

Thelma or Louise arrives at the school, getting out of her car to reveal quite possibly the most ridiculous dress ever seen outside of a cosplay convention. Where do you even BUY a dress like that?  She walks up to Ethan and kisses him on the mouth, introducing herself as Lena's cousin Ridley. She is played by Emmy Rossum, an actress I'm not familiar with but I hear KILLS IT on the Showtime television show Shameless.

Ridley takes Ethan back to Ravenwood Manor to meet the rest of the family for a gathering they're having, as we see her kiss has bewitched Ethan so he can only do what she says. Macon is quite displeased to see Ridley but invites her to dinner nonetheless. The rest of the family starts showing up and they're all bizarre and/or goofy. The tone the movie has been working real hard to build is going right out the window in this scene, as it's just violently silly and out of place with everything they've done so far.

A Ghoul Versus Beautiful Creatures (Part 1)

“Slap my ass and call me Sally!” - EMMA FREAKING THOMPSON.

Beautiful Creatures is yet another movie based off a Young Adult book series, and yet another one that bombed despite the books having a rather large fanbase just like previous movies I've already looked at such as The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones or Vampire Academy.

 

So how is it movies like these consistently bomb whereas ones like The Hunger Games or The Fault In Our Stars make ALL the money? People often like to point out it's due to how loyal the movies are to the books, the more they change it the more it's going to drive fans away which is true to a point BUT the aforementioned titles haven't made nearly two billion dollars JUST BECAUSE of the book fans. Others like to say that they didn't advertise the movies enough, because a huge marketing campaign can make ANY movie a blockbuster. Yeah, no. After Earth disproved that theory, as it had $100 million spent on advertising, which is more than they SPENT making the first Hunger Games movie.

In my opinion it comes down to one simple thing: quality. It's not ALWAYS an indicator of success, but it sure as hell doesn't hurt. People aren't as stupid as Hollywood likes to paint them, they see a trailer for these films and can often tell they're just a cash grab to capitalize off The Twilight Saga's falling star. Does Beautiful Creatures fall into the same category, or was this a labour of love that couldn't find its audience? Let's find out with A Ghoul Versus Beautiful Creatures!

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Part 4)

Click here for Part 3!

Soundwave oversees the captured Autobots when Dylan wanders in and points out how stupid it is to keep them alive. Soundwave getting schooled by a shitty actor is quite possibly the saddest thing I've seen in this entire series of character degradation. Soundwave advances on Que, the Transformer's resident genius and weapon designer, who begs for mercy as he points out they've surrendered. But because only a TOTAL FUCKING MONSTER would execute someone who has surrendered, Shockwave has him killed.

Bumblebee is next, but right before Shockwave can kill him Wheelie and Brains intervene by dropping ships on top of the Decepticon. The Autobots use this distraction to kill their captors, Bumblebee punching off Soundwave's head Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots style.  Optimus begins killing his way towards Sentinel, ripping off Shockwave's head and screaming “YOU DIE!”. Hopefully they're setting up Optimus to turn into the power hungry villain with Megatron forced to turn into the good guy to stop him, otherwise this is just straight fucked up.

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Part 3)

Click here for Part 2!

Sam and Carly try to leave in the car Dylan gave her, but OF COURSE it's a Decepticon and ejects Sam from the car. Dylan goes full James Bond Villain on us as he reveal his company has been dealing with the Decepticons since 1972 which now makes me wonder why did it take them SO LONG to find Megatron if they've been in the thick of things on Earth for at least forty years now? You can't honestly tell me it took them that long to start hacking national databases for any information on their leader. It's almost like... NO ONE GAVE THIS A SINGLE FUCKING THOUGHT BECAUSE IT WASN'T BOOBS OR AN EXPLOSION.

And now A Ghoul Presents: a special look inside the Ehren Kruger writing process! “...Dylan's father began working for the Decepticons in 1972 blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda yadda no one cares... Carly Spencer steps into frame and she's looking SO FUCKING HOT! Her dress is tightly stretched across her lithe body as she walks in slow motion...”

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

The Autobots explore the Ark, finding Sentinel Prime and some artifacts called the pillars. Well, that was fun! Let's see as Sam and Carly eat dinner- wha? No, we're in Africa instead. We see a giant rugged truck transform into a robot... wearing a desert cloak. Do you know how BIG that thing would have to be? Where did he get that? Did he knit it?

Whoa, that's Megatron! We see he's living in a little shanty town with the rest of his cohorts. WHY is Megatron still staying on Earth when he has that massive Deception base back on Saturn where they were growing the Fetus Farms? Did it just magically blow up when the Fallen was killed? Where did Megatron get a cloak that big?!?

Soundwave stops by to be awesome, and they're still going with Frank Welker's Dr. Claw voice instead of the animated Soundwave one. Not complaining though, just pointing it out. Soundwave and Laserbeak report their scheme was a success, the Autobots took the bait and have returned to Earth with the cargo from the Ark. Megatron is pleased, ordering Laserbeak to kill the rest of their human collaborators.

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Dark Of The Moon (Part 1)

Previously on Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen...

I literally have no idea how to approach what happened. When you actually read out everything that happened, it's all just a bunch of nonsense that is loosely edited together to form a borderline nonexistent story.  A story that somehow spanned 17,000 years to tell us the tale of the Fallen, the true leader of the Decepticons who cooked up a plan to turn the sun into energy for his armies. Megatron ends up killing Optimus in a scene that probably should have felt more epic, but these movies have gone out of their way to establish that as long as you're on the movie poster death is totally irrelevant to you. Which reminds me, I do NOT like Ironhide's chances in this one.

Case in point, Sam Witwicky also ends up dying and going to Robo-Heaven, where Autobot Angels resurrect him and give him the means to save the day. Sam is able to revive Optimus, who fixes things the only way he knows how: brutal murder.  Strangely enough I did enjoy the movie much more than I did the first one, something I can only assume is due to the inclusion of with Ehren Kruger who balanced out the rambling nonsense of Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. With Dark Of The Moon, Kruger has solo writing duty so that should mean I'll REALLY like this one right?  Right?  Hmmm. A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Dark Of The Moon!

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (Part 3)

Click here for Part 2!

Sam asks why they're in Egypt, Jetfire telling him because his ancestors traveled to Earth “millennia ago” to search for Energon. This was like 19,000 some years ago which would make this BEFORE the All Spark was lost in space. The All Spark just creates life, it doesn't nourish it? In the first film what was Megatron planning to do when his new army was going to need energy? Also in this film we see the Decepticons are growing new ones without the All Spark, so why did they even NEED it in the first place?

And what about the Primes? Were they all Decepticons? That can't be, because Optimus is a Prime. How does one become a Prime then? Are you created one or is it something you have to upgrade to? WHAT EXACTLY IS A PRIME?! How come nothing in this movie makes any sense when you stop to think about it?  Jetfire begins to go off on another tangent about nothing, Simmons interrupting him with what is probably the most unintentionally profound line of the ENTIRE franchise:

“Beginning, middle, end. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it.”

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

The film also sets up ANOTHER subplot about the Decepticons trying to grow one of the Fetus Farms from the Matrix on their base, but don't have enough energy supplies to feed the hatchlings so they keep dying. They're... they're GROWING robots? Metal can actually grow and mature now?

Back on Earth, Sam attends an astronomy class which is presided over by Rainn Wilson in a horribly distracting cameo. He spends most of his screen time flirting with his attractive female students, because THAT'S totally appropriate. But I guess it's okay, because the women are all very turned on by him. Michael Bay!

Sam goes into another trance, reading his entire book in seconds and going up to the front of the class to write spout off tons of bullshit techtalk. Professor Dwight tells Sam he will NOT be upstaged in front of the Dean of the school- hold on. The fucking Dean has been there the whole time while he was hitting on his students?! I thought Sam was going to college somewhere in Philadelphia, not Duke University.

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (Part 1)

Previously on Transformers...

At least twelve thousand years ago the Transformers did fight,

their epic battle caused the All Spark to go out of sight,

Megatron couldn't Let It Go and got himself Frozen,

he was found by Captain Witwicky who became the chosen,

the Decepticons searched for the good Captain's knowledge,

hacking their way around the world and causing much carnage,

they traced it to his great-great-grandson Sam Witwicky,

who was unknowingly under the protection of the mute Bumblebee,

Sam had problems of his own as he longed for the fair Mikaela's hand,

for she was prettiest in the land and her boobies were quite tanned,

Optimus Prime showed up to become the ultimate wingman,

revealing only Sam could save the world and stop the giant iceman,

a bunch of horribly stupid comedy and other bullshit did ensue,

including an appearance from John Turturro whom I fear has gone cuckoo,

finally young Samuel embraced his destiny and saved the day,

and now I am somewhat dumber all thanks to Michael Bay.

A Ghoul Versus Transformers (2007) Part 3

Click here for Part 2!

The Decepticons attack the dam while Frenzy cuts the cryogenics keeping Megatron frozen. We see the Autobots driving towards the battle and I know I should be excited, but I can't help but notice there's still FORTY MINUTES of film left. I'm terrified Bay is going to try to make up with putting us to sleep with boring humans by putting us to sleep with a lethal overdose of action in the Big Dumb Ending we can all sense on the horizon.

Sector Seven releases Bumblebee, who goes to the Cube and shrinks it down to a more manageable handheld size just by touching it because THAT makes sense. Lennox makes a plan to have him move the Cube to a nearby city before Megatron thaws in an attempt to keep it as far away from the Decepticon as possible.  We get introduced to Big Bad minutes later, as he breaks free of his prison by transforming into a jet and flying outside where he runs into Starscream I THINK. The camera keeps cutting between their faces as they talk, and they look SO DAMN SIMILIAR for all I know Megatron is doing his best Smeagol/Gollum impersonation.

A Ghoul Versus Transformers (2007) Part 2

Click here for Part 1!

Sam starts running but Barricade SMASHES him into a nearby car in a blow that would have killed anyone else, but fortunately Sam had his Main Character Forcefield turned on. He runs some more, just happening to run into Mikaela who is riding her scooter in the area. For some reason he TACKLES HER hard to the ground... so she can also almost get killed by Barricade? Bumblebee, who was off grabbing a smoke during all of this I guess, pops back into frame so the two teenagers can get in and I smell a MICHAEL BAY CAR CHASE!

...or not, they turn into their robot forms and duke it out instead. The fact Michael Bay had the green light for a ridiculously overblown chase scene and PASSED is on my short ballot for “Most Shocking Moment In Movie History”. Their fight is (sing along with me!) totally incomprehensible to tell who begins where and who is hitting who, so let's catch up with Sam and Mikaela who are being chased by Frenzy.

A Ghoul Versus Transformers (2007) Part 1

“You are so defensive! Were you masturbating?”

Why does everyone hate Michael Bay so much? It's just jealousy, right? I mean, his films have made over SIX BILLION DOLLARS worldwide so that's way too popular to not hate on. But no, the Harry Potter films have made almost EIGHT BILLION and they don't get much hatedom...  I got it! It's because they're filled with mindless action full of car chases and explosions, that HAS to be the reason- Hmm, that can also describe the Fast and the Furious franchise and despite making almost three billion dollars I don't see that series brought up every time someone brings up the Death of Cinema...

Personally, I think it's because people feel betrayed by Michael Bay. He gets these ridiculously high budgets that most movies can only dream of, always gets the cream of the crop actors in Hollywood and then turns out something so completely forgettable, generic, and over the top (in the negative aspect of the term) that people walk away severely disappointed. It's happened time after time, and judging by reaction to his latest movie (Transformers: Age of Extinction) is STILL happening.

A Ghoul Versus Oblivion

"This WALL-E reboot is freakin' DARK!"

Hey, it's our first Tom Cruise movie on A Ghoul Versus! Crazy I've gone this far without reviewing one, considering he's in a movie practically every year. Unlike a lot of people, I generally enjoy most of his movies for the same reason most people don't like them. Yes, he just plays Tom Cruise in EVERY SINGLE MOVIE he does but when you're talking about what passes for leads in today's Hollywood that is not a bad thing. He is one of an EXTREMELY small, borderline nonexistent group of stars left in the blockbuster genre that can actually make you CARE about what's going on amidst explosions and overblown CGI action.

Pair him in a movie with Morgan Freeman, another favourite actor of mine, and you have a movie that is very high on my must see list. That is good, because usually I'd have ZERO interest in a movie based on a video game that is NOTHING but boring fetch quests mixed in with ENDLESSLY boring fetch quests.  Wait, what's that? It's NOT based on the video game?! HELL YEAH! Now I'm REALLY looking forward to this! I give you A Ghoul Versus Oblivion!

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

Previously on The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1...

Director Rob Condon opened the Gates of Hell to give us this abomination of all that is good and holy in the world: Renesmee. Also, what can laughingly be called the narrative of Twilight started smoking meth and doing bath salts while shooting up with Edward's favourite drug, heroin. It only gets worse from here folks. Let's rip the head off The Twilight Saga once and for all as it's time for A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2!

The movie opens with a LOT of landscape footage porn as we all anxiously await Bella to start narrating another emo poem she wrote in the sixth grade. And wait. And wait... Jesus, did I throw in Prometheus by mistake? We cut to a lot of closeups of Bella's face and eyes as she... looks around. THRILLING!  Edward starts talking to her- BULLSHIT! Where is my endless boring narration by Bella “I Live Up My Own Ass” Swan?! We're not even five minutes in yet and I'm already pissed off. I wanted to see a TWILIGHT movie, not whatever the hell this is.

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Previously on The Twilight Saga: Eclipse...

The people who helped this film earn almost $700 million dollars set the human race back at least three decades, but I'm going to say five for good measure. No, you want a summary? Alright here it is: remember at the end of New Moon when Bella chose Edward over Jacob? Well, she didn't SUPERCHOOSE Edward because she spent the entirety of Eclipse doing it again. The end. They mixed in a whole bunch of boring nonsense about Bella marrying Edward so he'll make her a zzzZZZzzz... I fell asleep just thinking about it.

To their credit, they DID resolve the epic Victoria saga that was a whopping THREE FILMS IN THE MAKING. Oh you remember the legendary Victoria saga, don't you? Who can forget her memorable debut in the first movie where she was on screen for about five minutes and said I think three lines? How about the second movie, where she ran from some werewolves for a quick music video? This was so worth the well crafted payoff of the last movie, where she put in nearly TEN MINUTES of screen time before getting her head torn off. Hmm... doesn't sound as compelling when you actually type it all out.

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Back to Seattle to see some more newborn vampire destruction. This time we see the Volturi- and no, Aro isn't here so it sucks- watching them. And that's the scene. I should note Dakota Fanning looks SO BORED, and boy do I feel her pain.  We go to the Forks High School Graduation, where Jessica is giving the valedictorian speech. Wait, JESSICA? The character who's been portrayed as an absolute rambling airhead for the past three movies? As opposed to Angela, who has always been super intelligent and very eloquent?

The post-graduation party is held at the Cullens', which gets crashed by Jacob and his friends. Bella immediately asks him to leave, y'know, cos of all the date rape stuff but he apologizes because he didn't REALLY mean to do it so it's all okay! And just to show that he's really really sorry, he gives her a bracelet he made which she gushes over because it so SHINY AND PRETTY! All is instantly forgiven!  I really hope all you ladies are taking notes, a guy can touch you against your will all he wants but as long as he says he was sorry and gives you a gift, it's all TOTALLY OKAY. Thanks Stephenie Meyer!

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Part 1)

Previously on The Twilight Saga: New Moon...

Edward worried that if he kept seeing his beloved Bella it would lead to her death, so he ditched her. Being totally codependent upon a man to even function, Bella went into a coma for three months before remembering there are other men she could totally be using to boost her self esteem so she targeted Jacob Black and started leading him on HARDCORE.

However it turns out Jacob is a werewolf in one of the CLUMSIEST allegories for homosexuality ever tackled in the history of fiction, as... actually nothing. What WAS the point of introducing the werewolves? It's not like it added ANYTHING to the Bella/Jacob dynamic at this point, as Edward was out of the picture. Huh.  Oh, anyway Bella was full on looney tunes at this point and started hallucinating visions of Edward whenever she risked her life... it just struck me how INCREDIBLY stupid these movies are when you break them down like this.

Alright, alright. Due to a misunderstanding ripped out of a 1970s sitcom Edward thinks Bella is dead and is going to kill himself by pissing off the unofficial lords of the vampires. Bella intervenes, the vampires agreeing to spare the Cullens if Bella becomes a vampire. Edward only agrees to make Bella a vampire if she'll marry him.

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Jacob brushes this off though, and runs off to join up with Sam and the rest of the Shirtless. Later Bella decides to go for a hike in the woods, because that turned out SO well last time. Hey this time's even better, as she runs into Laurent! He's not quite the helpful person he was last time, as he's here as a favour to Victoria to see if she's still under Cullen protection. He decides to just kill her himself since there isn't a Cullen in sight. Well, a REAL Cullen that is as Hallucination Edward pops back up to advise Bella how to deal with the vampire.

It doesn't work, Laurent about to kill Edward when a group of GIGANTIC and OH SO FAKE LOOKING CGI wolves appear and chase him away. Bella escapes, heading back home. Jacobs soon shows up, and this is almost exactly like the first movie. Edward/Jacob tells Bella they can't be friends, but then next scene goes to talk to her. Sigh.

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Part 1)

Previously on The Twilight Saga: Twilight...

Human mannequin Bella Swan falls in lust with psychopathic vampire Edward Cullen. She wants him to make her a vampire so they can be together forever, but he refuses because she's a psycho hose beast that makes HIM look tame by comparison. Also, they kill a rival vampire named James and his girlfriend Victoria vows revenge. Wow, it took them two hours to tell that story.

Like I said in the last review, the first Twilight was a huge smash and the second it was done Summit Entertainment got to work on turning the second book of the series into their next blockbuster film. Director of the first film Catherine Hardwicke had to drop out due to “timing conflicts”, so they brought in Chris Weitz to helm the project. A baffling choice, as Chris Weitz was fresh off the HORRIBLE book adaption of The Golden Compass, something I can never understate how WRONG it was. A review might be forthcoming, but then that'd require having to watch that again so I'm torn.

But it didn't seem to matter as New Moon ended up being an even BIGGER hit than Twilight and nearly DOUBLED its worldwide gross at a jaw-dropping $700 million dollars. That means this one HAS to be good, right? The answer shall be revealed as it's for A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: New Moon!

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Twilight (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

In fifty years when Stephenie Meyer reveals she wrote this whole series just to troll people and secretly make fun of anyone who said they loved it, I'm going to nod approvingly. I've talked a lot in the past about Hollywood romances NOT being based off any kind of love but instead just physical lust masquerading as love. You can go through every movie in the HISTORY of film and not find a better example than Twilight.

+Bella sees Edward and gets all quivery in the knees because he is TOTES HAWT

+Edward treats Bella like complete shit but keeps talking to her because she is TOTES HAWT
+Edward saves Bella's life but keeps treating her like shit. She's okay with that because he's TOTES HAWT
+Edward warns Bella to stay away from him but keeps talking to her because she is TOTES HAWT
+Edward saves Bella's life again and warns her to stay away from him again. She's okay with that because he's TOTES HAWT
+Edward is still TOTES HAWT
+Bella is still TOTES HAWT
=THEY'RE IN LOVE!

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Twilight (Part 1)

"Uh-oh, you knew this one was coming..."

The Twilight Saga! What more can you say? Critically reviled... porn for teenage girls... the death of cinema... pretty much every negative label you think of to put on a film, these movies have worn it. But they've also grossed over a THREE BILLION DOLLARS worldwide, so obviously a FEW people must like them.

Author Stephenie Meyer finished writing the first Twilight novel in 2003, and it was immediately the subject of a bidding war between numerous publishing companies. Everyone involved could sense the story was special, and had the potential to compete with the juggernaut that was Harry Potter (the fifth novel of that series had come out a few months prior) to become the Next Big Thing.

A little known fact is that during the book's journey to getting published, its film rights were bought by MTV in 2004. MTV being, well MTV, planned to radically change the movie to the point where Bella was doing to be a flashy track star who loved rap. Which actually sounds just about right given the quality of their products... COUGH COUGH Teen Wolf COUGH COUGH.

A Ghoul Versus The Lone Ranger (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

John awakens to find he and Tonto are being held at the Comanche camp, who are preparing to go to war with the white man. John is taken to meet with the elders, so we can have the cliché scene of him trying to explain things to them, assuming they don't speak English, embarrassing himself trying to explain things, and then finding out they DO speak English! Want to guess what the FIRST thing the Comanche elder says?

“What's with the mask?”

Sighhhhh. You know what IS funny? The second I saw John meet with the elders I hit pause on the remote and typed that previous paragraph EXACTLY the way you just read it just to see how right I was. I called it PERFECTLY. Either that means I watch wayyyyyy too many movies (very true), or this movie is just a RABID cliché-fest (also very true). From their conversation we learn Tonto is no longer a Comanche, as we get a FLASHBACK to him as a boy. A flashback within a flashback... this is officially approaching disaster status.

A Ghoul Versus The Lone Ranger (Part 1)

"Don't ever do that again!" - Tonto on the making of this movie.

Has there even been a movie that you've heard is horrible yet your mind just REFUSES to believe it? You're like “NO WAY! ___________ is involved in it, it's impossible it could suck!” and then you go see it... and discover everyone was totally right.  Hopefully that isn't today's review of Disney's The Lone Ranger, because on paper it's doing a lot of right thing. This movie is from the director and writers one of our my favourite films of all time, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. And its... less than stellar sequels. Ahem, moving on.

They also cast “I wish there was a bigger and better word than awesome to describe him” Johnny Depp, who also starred in the Curse of the Black Pearl. And while this is a dreaded remake/reboot/re-imagining, it's at least of a franchise that has been dormant for decades and looks to be a fresh take on a genre we don't see that often for something new. The icing on the cake is when I was very young I freaking LOVED the Lone Ranger, I thought he was just the coolest thing in the world.

On the other hand, this movie got terrible reviews and flopped HARD. Just like World War Z the film suffered from some major production and overspending problems that led to it getting delayed multiple times. By the time it finally came out on July 3, 2013 it had set Disney back an estimated $225 million dollars with an additional $150 million spent on advertising. It couldn't even clear first place on the All-Important Opening Week, coming in second to the box office beast that was Despicable Me 2.

A Ghoul Versus 500 Days Of Summer

“Ghoul Vs. Expectations Vs. Reality!”

(500) Days Of Summer was the little indie picture that could, clawing its way from a Sundance debut all the way the a nationwide release.  It also launched the Hollywood careers of Marc Webb, who would go on to direct the blockbuster Amazing Spider-Man reboot franchise, and the writing team of Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, who are currently causing theaters across the country to drown in oceans of tears with the film The Fault In Our Stars.

It also helped raise the profile of actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt, giving him his true box office hit and springboarding him into all kinds of great movies.  It even helped co-star Zooey Deschanel wash off most of the stink of her previous movie, a notorious "Hey, my bills aren't going to pay themselves" effort called The Happening. Yes, you can expect a review of that cinematic “delight” in the near future.

Needless to say, this movie was a hit and very beneficial to everyone involved with it.  Does that mean it's a rom-com that actually has QUALITY?  Or was this just another "boy meets girl" story that tricked everyone with a bunch of witty hipster writing?  Put on your favourite Joy Division album and settle in for A Ghoul Versus 500 Days Of Summer!

A Ghoul Versus Spring Breakers

"Dueling Movies: The Bling Ring Vs. Spring Breakers!"

Click here for The Bling Ring review!

This is going to be a fun one!  And by fun, I mean "this movie is likely going to be worse than a box of chocolates full of angry killer bees".  Spring Breakers is technically the major league debut of writer/director Harmony Korine, an “avant garde” film maker who loves his shock value. LOVES IT. Loves it more than Zack Snyder loves slow motion or JJ Abrams loves lens flares.

His films often specialize in depicting the broken lives of young people living below the poverty level and the horrible, horrible actions they carry out. But since he's “avant garde”, he always does bizarre film techniques and features disturbingly grotesque imagery... almost ALWAYS for he sake of being bizarre and grotesque.