Showing posts with label Jodelle Ferland. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jodelle Ferland. Show all posts

Sunday, March 1, 2015

A Ghoul Versus Pascal Laugier's The Tall Man

The Tall Man? Is that like the Slender Man's low budget cousin?”

The New French Extremity is a so-called movement used to describe certain French filmmakers that deal in, let's be honest here, some of the most fucked up films imaginable. Films hit with this label often specialize in a combination of EXTREME sexuality and violence, with a heavy learning towards the horror genre. I've yet to review any of the films associated with the movement, but have mentioned them on here before when discussing directors Xavier Gens and Alexandre Aja, as both have entries on the list with their films Frontier(s) and High Tension, respectively.

Of all the films I've seen, none affected me as much as 2008's Martyrs, written and directed by Pascal Laugier. Without spoiling anything, it concerns a young woman getting kidnapped by a cult the horrific experiences she has as their captive. It is probably the most uncomfortable move I've EVER watched in my entire life, but unlike torture porn schlock like the Hostel series, its over the top violence had a point. A massively powerful film that I still think about seven years later, which is more than I can say about the majority of movies I've seen since then. I was very anxious to see what else Laugier had done, disappointed to find out he had only made one other film: 2004's Saint Ange, which I've never been able to track down.

Very recently I discovered he made a third film with almost no fanfare whatsoever, 2012's the Tall Man. I vaguely remember seeing trailers for it, but the second I saw Jessica Biel was the star I dismissed it and never gave it a second thought. The film only got a limited theatrical release before being released on home video less than a month later, and it generally faded into the great realm of obscurity. Until today that is, where we're going to check it out and hope that Laugier isn't just a one hit filmmaker. Get ready to cross your fingers and pray he gets a watchable performance out of Jessica Biel, because it is now time for A Ghoul Versus The Tall Man!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Back to Seattle to see some more newborn vampire destruction. This time we see the Volturi- and no, Aro isn't here so it sucks- watching them. And that's the scene. I should note Dakota Fanning looks SO BORED, and boy do I feel her pain.  We go to the Forks High School Graduation, where Jessica is giving the valedictorian speech. Wait, JESSICA? The character who's been portrayed as an absolute rambling airhead for the past three movies? As opposed to Angela, who has always been super intelligent and very eloquent?

The post-graduation party is held at the Cullens', which gets crashed by Jacob and his friends. Bella immediately asks him to leave, y'know, cos of all the date rape stuff but he apologizes because he didn't REALLY mean to do it so it's all okay! And just to show that he's really really sorry, he gives her a bracelet he made which she gushes over because it so SHINY AND PRETTY! All is instantly forgiven!  I really hope all you ladies are taking notes, a guy can touch you against your will all he wants but as long as he says he was sorry and gives you a gift, it's all TOTALLY OKAY. Thanks Stephenie Meyer!

A Ghoul Versus The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Part 1)

Previously on The Twilight Saga: New Moon...

Edward worried that if he kept seeing his beloved Bella it would lead to her death, so he ditched her. Being totally codependent upon a man to even function, Bella went into a coma for three months before remembering there are other men she could totally be using to boost her self esteem so she targeted Jacob Black and started leading him on HARDCORE.

However it turns out Jacob is a werewolf in one of the CLUMSIEST allegories for homosexuality ever tackled in the history of fiction, as... actually nothing. What WAS the point of introducing the werewolves? It's not like it added ANYTHING to the Bella/Jacob dynamic at this point, as Edward was out of the picture. Huh.  Oh, anyway Bella was full on looney tunes at this point and started hallucinating visions of Edward whenever she risked her life... it just struck me how INCREDIBLY stupid these movies are when you break them down like this.

Alright, alright. Due to a misunderstanding ripped out of a 1970s sitcom Edward thinks Bella is dead and is going to kill himself by pissing off the unofficial lords of the vampires. Bella intervenes, the vampires agreeing to spare the Cullens if Bella becomes a vampire. Edward only agrees to make Bella a vampire if she'll marry him.