A Ghoul Versus Star Trek: Into Darkness (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

To set up a drinking game for this movie, Shippus Interuptus happens AGAIN as Sulu hails Kirk with news a ship is approaching them fast. Kirk worries it's the Klingons, but Khan tells him he knows EXACTLY who it is. Kirk runs to the bridge in time to witness the Star Destroyer from Star Wars arrive- oh wait, my bad. It's the most ominous looking Federation ship in the history of ever, made of dark metal and probably the size of a small moon.

Admiral Marcus hails Kirk, dropping all pretense at being friendly the instant Kirk calls Khan by name. Marcus asks for Khan back, Kirk agreeing but it's all a front. After Marcus ends the call, Kirk orders the ship to warp to Earth against Chekov's advice, as the ship's core is still unstable from the leak. They take off anyway, Marcus able to follow them in his advanced prototype ship. Carol runs to the bridge and begs Kirk to let her talk to her father, as he won't destroy the Enterprise with her on board. This comes on the heels of Marcus opening fire on the Enterprise, blasting holes into it and sucking dozens of the crew into space to their death.

A Ghoul Versus Star Trek: Into Darkness (Part 1)

Previously on Star Trek...

JJ Abrams, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci helmed one of the best reboots in recent times and made Star Trek relevant again in the process. Five year later it still boggles my mind how spot on they nailed almost everything, making the new series an alternate reality that's free to tell its own stories without pissing off millions of hardcore fans. If they don't like it, no worries, they can just ignore it because it's not part of the decades long continuity. Game, set, match.

Enter Into Darkness. Right off the bat, the series continued Abrams' home run streak as he signed the RABIDLY beloved Benedict Cumberbatch to play the film's main villain. Most of the movie's details were kept in secret as it sailed towards its release date of May 16, 2013, although it was painfully obvious to long term fans it was going to be a retelling of the also rabidly beloved Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

And then the movie came out. Critically and financially it was a success, scoring an 87% on Rotten Tomatoes and grossing nearly half a billion dollars on its way to become the highest grossing Star Trek movie of all time. However, among hardcore fans and Trekkies it became a movie that split the fan base. Although split may be the wrong term, as it seems to have gained far more negative reactions than positive ones. Being the Spoiler-Phobe that I am I've never read WHY so many fans didn't like this movie, but I can certainly understand why they don't like Roberto Orci.

A Ghoul Versus Star Trek (2009) Part 2

Click here for Part 1!

Upon learning his home world only has minutes to live, Spock transports to the surface to save the Vulcan High Council and his parents. The movie's even one step ahead of me by stating they are too far underground for the ship's teleporters to grab them. Point, Star Trek. Nero orders the drill retracted, which causes Sulu to fall off it and go plummeting towards the surface. Kirk dives off after him to catch him, screaming into his com for the Enterprise to beam them up. Since they're free falling at speeds I can't even begin to imagine, the cadet manning the transporter is unable to lock onto them but luckily Whiz Kid Chekov has the brains to figure out how to save them.

Just as soon as they materialize onto the ship, Spock kicks them off the teleporter pad so he can go down to the surface. He runs into the caverns where the High Council is, and I just want to stop and say something about this movie that it gets NOWHERE near enough credit for: how REAL it feels. Almost every single scene is shot on an actual SET, and not a stupid green screen. This injects so much atmosphere into the movie it's almost ridiculous. Disney could NOT have chose a better director for the upcoming seventh Star Wars movie.

A Ghoul Versus Star Trek (2009) Part 1

"Boldly go where no one has gone before... for the first time."

The original Star Trek series is everything that is RIGHT with science fiction. You can deride it for its laughably bad special effects and questionable acting (if you're a soulless killjoy), but you can't deny its heart was literally in the most perfect place ever: a future where the human race has set aside all of its differences and united in the cause of making the universe a better place. Sure, it had its flaws such as gender wise it wasn't as progressive as it could have been with the majority of the women wearing micro skirts and being relegated to support roles, but it was still head and shoulders above anything else at the time.

It was by far my favourite show as a kid and fostered my lifelong long for sci-fi, a love that only grew as I got older and began to appreciate the deeper themes and social allusions of the show. Case in point: I PROUDLY identify myself as a TREKKIE and know wayyyyyy more about the show than I should admit in casual company.

Naturally when I learned Paramount was rebooting the franchise I was scared because I didn't want to see one of my most beloved works of fiction given the Godawful treatment so many other classic franchises have received. This fear escalated to sheer terror when I heard they were putting this huge responsibility in the hands of director J.J. Abrams, a man who had just burned me with a little show called LOST. And yes, I know he had almost nothing to do with the later seasons but at the time it was impossible to see his name and not get filled with dread.

A Ghoul Versus Total Recall (2012) Part 2

Click here for Part 1!

HOWEVER, there exists a kill code that'll take out all of the robocops and prevent this. Hauser saw it while he was on UFB, which means the resistance can retrieve it from his head and use it to stop Cohaagan. There we have it finally, our plot. Cohaagan is after SPACE and is going about getting it in the most ridiculous way possible: by killing off everyone in the Colony so the UFB can take it over. That's actually a very sweet insane super villain plan, BUUUUUUT it feels so out of place here because it sounds like a comic book plot. It would have fit in perfectly in the original, as that Cohaagen was just on a generic “power and money” trip and could have used some spicing up.

PG-13 Version: the hologram is of him, revealing his real name is Carl Hauser. The hologram still has “limited interactive capabilities” and says pretty much the same stuff Ethan did.

Doug argues with Jessica over the validity of this recording and its revelations, but she's able to convince him by showing the scar on her hand which matches him from the bullet that pierced them. They're about to kiss when they see the bad guys arriving outside. They run down to the lobby to escape, only to find themselves facing the entire police force and the most lens flares you've ever seen in your life.

A Ghoul Versus Total Recall (2012) Part 1

"Original Vs. Remake Part 2: Total Recall (1990) Vs. Total Recall (2012)!"

Click here for the first half of Original Vs. Remake: Total Recall (1990)!

I honestly try to keep an open mind when I watch a movie, no matter how much bad I might have heard about it or what my preconceived notions of the people making it are, because time after time I get proved violently wrong.

“The crappy actor from that stupid Knight's Tale movie is going to play the JOKER?!? FRANCHISE. RUINED.”

That being said, Total Recall (2012) sure did start off in the proverbial hole with me. Not only is it a completely pointless remake (which I suppose adding the phrase “completely pointless” is redundant when talking about remakes), but it was brought to us by the brain children behind the abominable Underworld series AND Live Free Or Die Hard. But I'm sure they at least got some good actors to star in- oh Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale, eh? Yikes.

If you don't know, Kate's husband, Len Wiseman, directed this! Don't worry though, I'm sure she got a part in this movie based off her versatile, NOT AT ALL one dimensional acting and no other reason. You know, just like her AMAZING acting range got her the starring role in the Underworld movies... a couple of which her husband also directed. Hmmm.