A Ghoul Versus Total Recall (2012) Part 2

Click here for Part 1!

HOWEVER, there exists a kill code that'll take out all of the robocops and prevent this. Hauser saw it while he was on UFB, which means the resistance can retrieve it from his head and use it to stop Cohaagan. There we have it finally, our plot. Cohaagan is after SPACE and is going about getting it in the most ridiculous way possible: by killing off everyone in the Colony so the UFB can take it over. That's actually a very sweet insane super villain plan, BUUUUUUT it feels so out of place here because it sounds like a comic book plot. It would have fit in perfectly in the original, as that Cohaagen was just on a generic “power and money” trip and could have used some spicing up.

PG-13 Version: the hologram is of him, revealing his real name is Carl Hauser. The hologram still has “limited interactive capabilities” and says pretty much the same stuff Ethan did.

Doug argues with Jessica over the validity of this recording and its revelations, but she's able to convince him by showing the scar on her hand which matches him from the bullet that pierced them. They're about to kiss when they see the bad guys arriving outside. They run down to the lobby to escape, only to find themselves facing the entire police force and the most lens flares you've ever seen in your life.

A Ghoul Versus Total Recall (2012) Part 1

"Original Vs. Remake Part 2: Total Recall (1990) Vs. Total Recall (2012)!"

Click here for the first half of Original Vs. Remake: Total Recall (1990)!

I honestly try to keep an open mind when I watch a movie, no matter how much bad I might have heard about it or what my preconceived notions of the people making it are, because time after time I get proved violently wrong.

“The crappy actor from that stupid Knight's Tale movie is going to play the JOKER?!? FRANCHISE. RUINED.”

That being said, Total Recall (2012) sure did start off in the proverbial hole with me. Not only is it a completely pointless remake (which I suppose adding the phrase “completely pointless” is redundant when talking about remakes), but it was brought to us by the brain children behind the abominable Underworld series AND Live Free Or Die Hard. But I'm sure they at least got some good actors to star in- oh Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale, eh? Yikes.

If you don't know, Kate's husband, Len Wiseman, directed this! Don't worry though, I'm sure she got a part in this movie based off her versatile, NOT AT ALL one dimensional acting and no other reason. You know, just like her AMAZING acting range got her the starring role in the Underworld movies... a couple of which her husband also directed. Hmmm.

A Ghoul Versus Total Recall (1990) Part 2

Click here for Part 1!

One of the guards activates security doors that seal off the windows, Doug running underneath one to get away from Ironside yet again. He boards a train and we get some SWEET views of Mars via some extremely detailed miniature sets. That's right, I said miniature sets! Hollywood actually used to TRY back in the day instead of relying on computers to create fake ass looking scenery.

Next we get the worst scene of the movie that I wish they'd have cut. Cohaagen and Ironside (who is finally named as Richter, but this late in he's staying Ironside) meet as we learn Kuato is a psychic who can access the information in Doug's head, but he has a plan to prevent this. That's it, that's the entire scene. Why do I hate this so bad? We'll find out in a bit.

Doug goes to a Hilton Hotel, as Hauser instructed. There he has a suite and a safety deposit box waiting for him, finding a flier for a club called the Last Resort inside. On the fact of the flier he finds a message in his own handwriting telling him to ask for Melina. He takes a cab to the club, getting to know its driver, the charismatic Benny who is definitely a scene stealer. Benny gives Doug a brief history lesson about Mars, as we learn it's full of mutants because they can't afford to buy Cohaagen's clean air and end up mutated by dirty air which doesn't filter out radiation... or something. This film isn't big on the whole science thing, but that's totally okay.

A Ghoul Versus Total Recall (1990) Part 1

"Original Vs. Remake Part 1: Total Recall (1990) vs. Total Recall (2012)!"

Why does Hollywood hate Paul Verhoeven so much? Oh, right... Showgirls.  Well... why can't they remake THAT instead of his great movies that SO don't need remaking? Is it really THAT hard for Hollywood to think of original ideas for a movie where a guy shoots other guys? Rhargh!

Anyway, Total Recall. It's not an all time great film like Verhoeven's Robocop, but it's still definitely a much beloved sci-fi classic that was doing JUST FINE ON ITS OWN! It's one of those films that had an incredibly troubled production on its journey to the big screen, which is usually the kiss of death for many a film.

After several debacles from its original studio, the film fell into the hands of Arnold Schwarzenegger and legendary studio Carolco. Arnold was given almost complete control of the movie, getting COMPLETE say over the filmmakers and actors involved. This was highly out of the ordinary, but it was the late 80s and this is ARNOLD we're talking about here.  His first act was to bring Dutch director Paul Verhoeven onboard, as he was a huge fan of Robocop and really wanted to work with him.

Verhoeven was considering going dark with the film as it had a pretty dark script, as it was written by the guys who wrote Alien and that's their trademark. But then he took one look at Arnold and was all “fuck that!” and gave up the monstrously fun and insanely over the top film we were blessed with. Yes, Arnold is the only actor whose LACK of range and acting chops actually made a movie BETTER.

A Ghoul Versus Liam Neeson's Unknown

"This film probably should have stayed unknown..."

There has been a distinct lack of reviews this month and I apologize for that, but I've been working on a movie that took a lot longer to analyze than I thought it would. I really wanted to get it done before its fifteen anniversary, which is only a few days away.  In the meantime, here's a movie I've never heard of starring Liam Neeson and a bunch of other people I've never heard of, directed by a guy I've never heard of and written by two guys I've never heard of. Never has the title of a movie been more appropriate...

Hop into your taxi and let's start a chase scene with A Ghoul Versus Unknown!