Previously on Friday The 13th...
One of the most iconic horror franchise
of all time was kicked off with a TOTAL DUD, giving us one of the
most boring slasher films ever made. If it hadn't been for special
effects genius Tom Savini, it's doubtful the movie would have gotten
any attention and gone of to become the legendary piece of pop
culture that it has. The story itself wasn't much, the mother of a
child who died at a camp due to negligence comes back every time the
camp is reopened to kill people as a twisted form of revenge.
Eventually she kills everyone down to a Final Girl named Alice, who
kicks her ass AND cuts her head off for good measure.
And that's it, how in the world can
they drag a sequel out of THAT? The villain is dead and there is
absolutely NO supernatural elements in this, so she ain't coming
back. The main brains behind the film, director Sean S. Cunningham,
screenplay writer Victor Miller, and Savini all shared this thought
process and moved on to other projects. Steve Miner, who helped
produce the first film, was promoted to director due to his knowledge
of the inner workings of all things Friday the 13th.
He brought back much of the film's original crew, including the
cinematographer and editor to ensure it'd maintain the consistency
already established.
The keeping it in the family tradition
also extended to the sequel's new writer, Ron Kurz, who actually did
some rewriting of Victor's script from Part 1. Phil Scuderi, one of
the studio producers, assisted in the writing and is the one who came
up with the idea of how to continue the story. The very, very, VERY
confusing and nonsensical idea that to this day illustrates story was
not the focus of the series. We're going to have some fun with this
one as we try to figure out what the hell is going on, so pack your
bags because it's time to return to Camp Crystal Lake in A Ghoul
Versus Friday The 13th Part II!
We open just like the last film did,
with a Point-of-View shot of someone walking towards a house at
night. Only it cuts to a side view of his feet walking, which really
contradicts the first shot. In case you have any doubt who this
figure might be, an ominous remix of “ki ki ki, ma ma ma” is
playing, except “ma ma ma” must be on a smoke break because all
we get are “ki's”. The film returns to the POV shot, the figure
looking to the upper floor of the house where a light is on. We
transition into this room, where we see the occupant is one Alice
Hardy, our tough as nails Final Girl from the last movie. She's
currently in the middle of a nightmare involving stock footage of her
horrifying encounter with Mrs. Voorhees, and this goes on FAR too
long.
This extended flashback also includes
her dream of being dragged into the lake by Young Jason, so we are
now officially on some Inception shit here. This is NOT a bad
thing however if it leads to Jason throwing down with Tom Hardy.
Aww, too late, she's awake. OR IS SHE? No, she is. Alice spends
the next few minutes walking around her house in some nice single
take shots that are literally the only interesting thing of note. No
one will ever accuse these first two movies of being
excitement-fests, that's for sure. When she gets a phone call with
no one on the other line she begins to get suspicious, ESPECIALLY
when the dramatic music kicks in. Harry Manfredini was another of
the filmmakers to return for this chapter, a huge boon as his music
was one of the best parts of the original.
She hears a noise come from her
kitchen, finding the window there is now wide open. She grabs an ice
pick that JUST HAPPENS to be lying on the counter- you know, why are
ice picks a thing in movies? Who the hell was a need for an ice pick
in this day and age of ice cube trays and advanced refrigerators?
Sure, this was 1981 but I'm PRETTY sure ice cube trays existed back
in those dark days. Alice caaaaaaaarefully and slooooooooowly peeks
out the window, only to walk straight into a CAT JUMP SCARE! Hahah,
fuck you movie! Eleven minutes in and that's how it's going to be,
huh?
I can't be too mad over this one however, because if you freeze
frame the movie just right you can see the hand of someone throwing
the cat into the kitchen. Alice opens her fridge to get her asshole
cat some food when she finds the severed head of Mrs. Voorhees
inside. She starts screaming because she forgot to shrink wrap it
and now it's going to go all bad, but then someone grabs her from
behind and SHOVES THE ICE PICK INTO HER TEMPLE. Well shit, there
goes one of the stronger Scream Queens you're ever going to see from
this era. This was HUGE back in the day, as killing off Final Girls
in the opening of sequels wasn't a thing yet.
Alice's unfortunate death kicks us to
the opening credits, where a young trio consisting of Jeff, Sandra,
and Sandra's breasts pull into the town from the first movie. The
movies have never said the name of the town, but it's somewhere in
New Jersey. In real life it's called Blairstown, and has become a
HUGE attraction for Friday the 13th fans.
Nearby Camp Crystal Lake is the fictional name of Camp NoBeBoSco,
which still operates to this day as a Boy Scout Camp. As they park
their truck, we can see they're being watched by our old friend
Ralph, who looks as crazy as ever. Jeff gets out to use a payphone,
Ralph coming up to them and blabbering more of his patented
gibberish.
There is a fun sight gag going on in
this shot, as the entire time a tow truck parks in front of Jeff's
truck and begins to tow it away. He doesn't notice until it's too
late, trying to chase it down the street but the tow drunk driver
ignores him. But it turns out this was all a prank being played by
Jeff's friend Ted, whom I'm pretty sure is going to be our jokester.
The three load up Ted's gear and begin driving to nearby Crystal
Lake, where they'll be attending a counselor training camp, which is
near the so called “Camp Blood”. The camp is being run by a man
named Paul Holt, and HOLY SHIT is there a lot of counselors here.
ROLL CALL!
-Terry, who may as well be naked for
all the clothes she's wearing. Wonder if she survives to the end?
-Vickie, who... uhh... is wearing a red
shirt?
-Scott, who is the “cool guy”-Mark, who is in a wheelchair
-and the rest who don't get introductions. What, is Jason going to take them out with a bazooka all at once or something?
A latecomer to the party is Ginny, who
is Paul's assistant and girlfriend. Of this entire bunch, Ginny's
actress Amy Steel is the only one to ever do anything else really
noteworthy, and that was a starring role in the 1986 slasher classic
April Fool's Day, which I'll ABSOLUTELY be reviewing next
month. It is a shame she never really broke out, as she is one of
those rare people just bursting with charisma and personality, a
sharp contrast to everyone else we've met so far. It doesn't hurt
that she is stunningly gorgeous as well. That night at the camp fire
Paul tells everyone about the legend of Jason Voorhees and how his
body was never recovered from the lake, leading many to think he's
still alive out there in the woods somewhere. Everyone gets really
into his tale, which is just Scuderi trying his damnedest to sell us
on the plot.
It's a simple question that has been
asked millions of times, and is certainly one I myself asked when I
first saw this as a young lad: WHY IN THE HELL WOULD JASON HIDE FROM
HIS MOTHER?! She was all he had, and he clearly loved her since he
went to the trouble of tracking down Alice to gain revenge, so why
would he not tell his mother he's still alive? I talk about
plotholes all the time in my reviews, but this is one of the finest
examples I could ever give. I know in the grand scheme of things it
doesn't matter in the slightest since with the next movie death and
reality no longer apply, but at this point we are still very much
down to Earth.
But let's say for whatever reason,
Jason didn't seek out his mom. She was pretty fucking scary, maybe
he was afraid of her. So how is it she never found HIM? He's been
living out in the woods for the past 30 years, this big, hulking
brute who isn't exactly the sharpest blade in the knife collection,
how was he able to be so stealthy? Remember, Mrs. Voorhees knew the
woods like the back of her hand and was constantly monitoring the
area to kill people. During Paul's scary story he mentioned people
have seen Jason lurking around, you mean to tell me she was never one
of them?
As always with any hugely popular
thing, the fans have come up with their own theories. One of the ore
popular ones that KIND of works is that Jason arose from the dead to
avenge his mother, but if that's the case why didn't he come back as
the little boy that he was? The power of vengeance was not only
enough to resurrect him, it added a good five feet and 300 pounds to
his frame as well? Decomposed tissue known for being able to support
that much healthy growth? Yeah yeah, the power of magic or whatever.
I've never put much stock into this theory for reasons we'll see
later on, but out of all the ones I've read it is the one that
“works” the best.
Paul puts the finishing touches on his
story, Ted suddenly running out in a mask and scaring the shit out of
everyone. Hahah, I actually like Ted. He has a very unique sounding
voice and unlike the 99% of all comic relief in horror films, is
ACTUALLY kind of funny. Everyone retires to their cabins for the
night, Ginny getting another jump scare by Paul, who sneaks into her
cabin. They start making out, being watched by Ralph, who really
needs to get a fucking life. Literally, because SOMEONE sneaks up
behind him and strangles him out with a piece of barbed wire. So
long Crazy Ralph, you added absolutely NOTHING to these movies!
Ginny wakes up in the morning after having sex with Paul, so I guess
that means she'll be dead soon.
Staying true to form, the film begins
to spin its wheels here. Many shots of our future victims follow as
they frolic and have fun, while SOMEONE with a “ki ki ki” theme
sound watches them from the woods. We get it, thank you. Of all the
horror cliches involved in the slasher genre, this is by far my most
hated: the “getting to know the cast” part. I don't have a
problem with them due to lack of bloodshed, but it's because these
people are NEVER interesting. As they years went on, filmmakers
started getting the idea our heroes should actually have a
personality and get a better story focus, but early on it is ROUGH.
We cut between multiple people, no one gets anything to say or do,
and most of them you WANT to see get killed because they're so
annoying.
Sandra and her breasts, who are
fascinated with the off-limits Camp Crystal Lake, finally talk Jeff
into taking them to go visit it. On the path they find the grisly
remains of Terry's little dog which had gone missing earlier, which
might be another Halloween “allusion” as Michael Myers
killed a dog in that movie. They don't make it to the camp however,
as they get caught by a local sheriff who I think took exactly ONE
acting class to prepare for this role. He drags them back to Paul,
warning him to keep his counselors away from the condemned area. The
cop drives away, startled when a a figure with a bag over his head
runs out in the road ahead of him. He brings his car to a screeching
halt and takes off after the figure into the woods, which is easily
the best idea ever.
What's interesting here is the figure-
you know, fuck it,YOU know he's Jason, I know he's Jason, we're
calling him Jason- is actually RUNNING. Sure as hell don't see that
too often in this genre. The sheriff quickly loses him, but does
find his apparent home out in the woods: an extremely decrepit
looking shack. He explores the small area, opening a door and
staring in disgust at what he sees inside. We don't get to see what
he's looking at though, as Jason sneaks up behind him and puts the
claw-side of a hammer through the back of his skull. Figures of
authority getting hammers in the back of their head must have been a
meme back in 1981, because five months later Halloween II
would do the EXACT same thing with a security guard.
Back at the camp, we finally learn how
the film is going to deal with this overly large cast of people: most
of them are heading into town to party, leaving behind only
characters who have gotten a name. THAT'S convenient. Terry decides
to go skinny dipping in the lake and gets naked, but that almost
feels redundant considering how scantily clad she's been so far.
Scott, who is more of a creep instead of the cool guy, steals her
clothes and plays keep away with them when she gets out of the water.
She chases him through the woods, where he unknowingly walks into a
snare trap and is suspended high in the air. She goes to get
something to cut him down with, leaving him nice and alone for Jason
to slit his throat... with the DULL end of a machete. Oops!
Terri returns to find him dead, going
hysterical as she turns around to see- SCENE CHANGE! We go into town
where Ginny, Paul, and Ted joined the no-names for a night out on the
town, where Scuderi throws out more exposition for his inane plot by
having Ginny speculate Jason MUST have seen his mother get killed.
THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T HE DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT? Especially when
Alice just left herself completely defenseless to go sleep in a
canoe. This gives us everything we need to know about Jason's
motivations in explicit detail, even though, y'know, we kind of
already figured that out in the opening scene with Alice. Next!
Things gets REALLY 1980s up in this
bitch as Sandra and her breasts take Jeff upstairs to have sex, while
Vickie tries to get Mark to smoke some pot with her. GODDAMN! Why
don't you all just save yourselves the trouble and put shotguns in
your mouths right now?! Vickie goes to her cabin to pretty herself
up for a night with Mark, but is gone so long he goes looking for
her. He wheels to the edge of the porch, calling her name when he
gets a machete RIGHT IN HIS FACE! BRUTAL! An awesome shot of his
wheelchair rolling backwards down the stairs shifts to Jason in a
bizarre edit. Jason sneaks upstairs where Jeff, Sandra, and Sandra's
breasts are in bed and earns a rare triple kill by running them
through with a spear.
We sadly don't get to see much of this
kill, as the scene was heavily edited to secure an R rating. That
applies to a lot of this movie, as nearly ever instance of
bloodletting was pared down. Fans have been asking for an unrated
cut to be released for years, but it appears all of the footage has
been lost to time. Vickie, who shockingly isn't dead, goes upstairs
to check on them when she can't find Mark. She instead finds Jason,
and you can very likely guess where this is going. The kill is one
of the more famous ones, as it's done with a first person shot of
Jason holding up his knife as he advances towards the screaming
Vickie. We also get our first full shot of Jason during this, who is
wearing a white bag over his head with an eye hole cut out. A far
cry from his traditional hockey mask look, but we're getting there...
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