A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Hellworld (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

The movie takes a break to play a music video called “Welcome To Hell” because I'd like to see YOU think of a way to make a movie feature length. What's that? Write a coherent story that doesn't need endless padding? Have you been READING these reviews so far? Surprising me yet again the police do show up, Chelsea banging on the window to get their attention but she's now joined the ranks of the invisible people so they don't see her. She pulls out her phone and calls 911 again, getting patched directly to one of the officers but he still can't see her in the window so thinks the whole thing is a stupid prank and leave. You COULD try breaking the window Chels...

Mike takes his new friend into the basement to have sex, but she pushes him into the remains room and locks the door. He finds Derrick's body and has the appropriate response, his horror cut short by a random Cenobite that kills him with a giant hook. I call BULLSHIT on this one! I saw Man of Steel, there is NO WAY a hook could pierce his super strong skin. You know the WORST thing about this though? Cavill ruining the tone by having a comical reaction to the Cenobite by quipping “Not good!” when he sees him? No, it's the fact we just lost the only interesting character in the movie not played by Lance Henriksen and there's still THIRTY MINUTES to go in this damn thing.

A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Hellworld (Part 1)

Previously on Hellraiser: Deader...

Ever since the third movie, the Hellraiser movies have had a pattern of the odd numbered ones being decent(ish) and the even numbered being atrocious. Hellraiser 7: Deader was no exception, as the movie started off GREAT and even though it fell apart like all these movies do, it still didn't make me all that mad like Hellseeker did. Going off that criteria, that makes it one of the best Hellraiser movies ever!

Like I said in the last review, Deader and Hellworld were filmed back to back in Romania. Since all of these straight-to-video sequels are just repurposed scripts, instead of trying to create some kind of interesting two part story (like the Romanian-filmed Prophecy movies did) the filmmakers just went with another totally unrelated script. This was wasn't even a script, but simply a treatment called “Dark Can't Breathe” that was written by Joel Soisson and turned into a screenplay by our old friend Carl V. Dupré. Soisson's name should ring a few bells, as he directed both those aforementioned Prophecy movies.

I've always maintained this is a huge lost opportunity, because with basically the same guys working on both series, how the hell did this not result in a Prophecy/Hellraiser crossover? It's things like this that just go to show Hollywood doesn't get “it” and is afraid of taking any chances, especially when we're talking the realm of straight-to-video. For crying out loud, Dimension Films owns the right to both franchises!

A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Deader

Previously on Hellraiser: Hellseeker...

I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to be reminded that movie EXISTED.

Romania has slowly become one of THE go to places in Hollywood to make a movie. Thanks to the insanely low costs of shooting there, combined with its varied landscapes and endless pool of citizens that'll work for peanuts, it's the new Canada. While it had yielded some B-level 1990's fare such as Dark Angel: The Ascent (a personal favourite of mine), Highlander: Endgame, and a couple of the Trancers movies, it wasn't until 2003's Civil War era blockbuster Cold Mountain was filmed entirely there did the floodgates open and filmmakers began trampling over each other to shoot there.

Primarily horror films were made there thanks to its oppressive looking architecture leftover from its Communist days that really lends itself to the genre, but it's also produced comedies like Van Wilder 2 and Rian Johnson's The Brothers Bloom. Action blockbusters? It has those too, giving us Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance and the third Expendables movie. In 2005, two movies near and dear to my heart (well, near at least) were filmed there back to back in the form of the Prophecy: Uprising and the Prophecy: Forsaken.

Both of these starred Kari Wuhrer, who was already a veteran of the Romanian film scene thanks to today's film, Hellraiser: Deader, which she filmed right on the heels of the Prophecy films. And just like those films, two Hellraiser movies were filmed back to back but Wuhrer only took part in the first one. I guess even she has her standards, because TWO Hellraiser straight-to-video films is too much to ask from anyone.

A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Hellseeker

Previously on Hellraiser: Inferno...

Hellraiser: Inferno was a nightmare, literally. The whole damn movie was a nightmare experienced by Detective Joseph Thorne, so at least the series has hit rock bottom and has nowhere to go but up, right? Right? Hey, where are you going? Get back here!

Now that Hellraiser is straight-to-video, these movies are going to be coming out much faster than the past few ones did. Hellseeker came out in 2002, only two years after Inferno did. Taking over direction this time is Rick Bota, who would go on to do the next three films in the series until it was mercifully put out of its (and our) misery for a few years. Before landing this gig, Bota was mostly a cinematographer who did a lot of television shows but also had the celluloid gems Barb Wire and the House On Haunted Hill remake under his belt. Yikes and double yikes.

Writing duties fell to Tim Day and Carl V. Dupré, the latter name should sound familiar if you remember a little film called Prophecy 3: The Ascent because he co-wrote that as well. Their script was not written to be a Hellraiser movie (which, just as I suspected, was the same case with Hellraiser: Inferno), but Dimension Films had it rewritten to throw some Cenobite action in and BOOM! Instant sequel. BUT there's some really good news to help balance the rest of this out: this movie marks Ashley Laurence's return to the series that REALLY went downhill after she left. Not that it started on that high of a hill, but you get my point.

I no longer have any optimism left in me for this series, but if anyone can change that it's Scream Queen Kirsty Cotton. Let's get ready to seek... Hell?, because it's time for A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Hellseeker!