A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Hellworld (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

The movie takes a break to play a music video called “Welcome To Hell” because I'd like to see YOU think of a way to make a movie feature length. What's that? Write a coherent story that doesn't need endless padding? Have you been READING these reviews so far? Surprising me yet again the police do show up, Chelsea banging on the window to get their attention but she's now joined the ranks of the invisible people so they don't see her. She pulls out her phone and calls 911 again, getting patched directly to one of the officers but he still can't see her in the window so thinks the whole thing is a stupid prank and leave. You COULD try breaking the window Chels...

Mike takes his new friend into the basement to have sex, but she pushes him into the remains room and locks the door. He finds Derrick's body and has the appropriate response, his horror cut short by a random Cenobite that kills him with a giant hook. I call BULLSHIT on this one! I saw Man of Steel, there is NO WAY a hook could pierce his super strong skin. You know the WORST thing about this though? Cavill ruining the tone by having a comical reaction to the Cenobite by quipping “Not good!” when he sees him? No, it's the fact we just lost the only interesting character in the movie not played by Lance Henriksen and there's still THIRTY MINUTES to go in this damn thing.

A Ghoul Versus Hellraiser: Hellworld (Part 1)

Previously on Hellraiser: Deader...

Ever since the third movie, the Hellraiser movies have had a pattern of the odd numbered ones being decent(ish) and the even numbered being atrocious. Hellraiser 7: Deader was no exception, as the movie started off GREAT and even though it fell apart like all these movies do, it still didn't make me all that mad like Hellseeker did. Going off that criteria, that makes it one of the best Hellraiser movies ever!

Like I said in the last review, Deader and Hellworld were filmed back to back in Romania. Since all of these straight-to-video sequels are just repurposed scripts, instead of trying to create some kind of interesting two part story (like the Romanian-filmed Prophecy movies did) the filmmakers just went with another totally unrelated script. This was wasn't even a script, but simply a treatment called “Dark Can't Breathe” that was written by Joel Soisson and turned into a screenplay by our old friend Carl V. Dupré. Soisson's name should ring a few bells, as he directed both those aforementioned Prophecy movies.

I've always maintained this is a huge lost opportunity, because with basically the same guys working on both series, how the hell did this not result in a Prophecy/Hellraiser crossover? It's things like this that just go to show Hollywood doesn't get “it” and is afraid of taking any chances, especially when we're talking the realm of straight-to-video. For crying out loud, Dimension Films owns the right to both franchises!

A Ghoul Versus The Prophecy: Forsaken

"Let's put the Prophecy franchise to bed with the fifth and final review in my retrospective!"

Previously on A Ghoul Versus The Prophecy: The Uprising...

Geez, who the hell knows? ANOTHER prophecy has been made that God will write ANOTHER chapter of Revelations in a book called the Lexicon that will give whoever holds it the advantage in... I guess the Second War of Angels?

Belial, one of Satan's ex-cronies, is after the Lexicon so he can create a new Hell... which will make him more powerful than everyone else. Yeah, I don't know. The more I think about it the less sense it makes.  But like always, Satan saves the day and entrusts the Lexicon to Kari Wuhrer, who continues the franchise's proud tradition of featuring heroes of RAPIDLY declining quality. Oh, and she's also barely helped through her journey by the ghost of the angel Simon from the first movie. Ghost of an angel... I think that might be the dumbest idea in the supernatural genre.

Get for the EPIC CONCLUSION of the Prophecy saga with A Ghoul Versus The Prophecy: Forsaken! Also, why did they quit numbering these damn things?

A Ghoul Versus The Prophecy: Uprising

“O Lord, why can't this movie have subtitles?”

Previously on The Prophecy 3: The Ascent...

Twenty some years have passed since the last movie, Danyael Jr. now grown up and making his way as a street preacher preaching about God no longer caring about mankind. His world view is based off a traumatic childhood where once again the rebel angels tried to kill him, but ended up killing his mother instead.  The former Archangel Gabriel, still a human, has been secretly guarding Danyael his entire life. Gabriel has repented his evil ways and now loves humanity, living life to its fullest. Zophael, who has replaced Gabriel as the leader of the angels, has come to Earth with a plan to revive the Angel of Genocide Pyriel, who will kill all life on Earth and replace God... somehow.

Zophael wants to kill Danyael before he can stop Pyriel, but this all goes awry and Danyael does in fact kill the angel, despite being one of the least convincing heroes in film history. God rewards Gabriel for his changed ways by making him an angel again, and Gabriel exits the franchise in a burst of white doves.

The co-writer of the previous film, Joel Soisson, stepped up to the plate to make this one in his directorial debut.  This means we have someone on board who at least knows the material, and hopefully can bridge things into a worthy sequel.  So where do they go from here? Well, the Second War of the Angels still seems unresolved so I'm thinking that's where we'll start. Get ready for a fresh start on the franchise with A Ghoul Versus The Prophecy: Uprising.