A Ghoul Versus The Andy Sidaris Collection: Fit To Kill

“Toward the end, when we did Fit To Kill, Dona said to Arlene 'I feel like in this script there's a little bit more nudity,' and Arlene said 'Rest assured, Dona. You're absolutely fucking right.' There was a lot more nudity, but that's the way it's going to be. That's just the way that one worked out.” - Andy Sidaris

Previously on Hard Hunted...

Bah, I don't want to relive that. Andy Sidaris gave us an IMMENSELY entertaining story that had all kinds of over the top fun... until he threw a rape in. Oh, and Kane transformed from an elderly Asian man into a white British guy in his late 20's. And like half the cast of the last movie that were killed came back from the dead with new identities- and you know what? I'm wasting my time here. What IS important is that Kane escaped death once again, so you just know he'll be showing his smug face to throw more drama into the lives of Donna and Nicole.

Speaking of Kane, did you know he's played by the son of Roger “James Bond” Moore? Geoffrey Moore's last on screen role was this very film as he now works as a producer and restaurateur, but gave acting one last attempt in 2004 when he auditioned to take his father's place as the new Bond. He faced some stiff competition against people such as Hugh Jackman, Clive Owen, Jude Law, and some guy named Daniel Craig. How'd that ever work out, anyway? Maybe I'll have to find out someday...

A Ghoul Versus The Andy Sidaris Collection: Hard Hunted

“In making a movie, the most important thing you can do is to keep the action moving as you tell the story. We don’t do long, drawn out scenes with underlying psychological bs. We set the story, set the pace and move on. We know people like our style. And, yes, we throw in nudity whenever possible and augment it with a whole bunch of chases, explosions and gunshots.” - Andy Sidaris

Previously on Do Or Die...

Crime lord Kane (Pat Morita) went full Bond villain and hired a bunch of idiots to try to kill Donna and Nicole when he had them unarmed and fully at his mercy. Donna and her legion of boring idiots killed all the assassins but instead of dealing out the same fate to Kane they secretly had a tracker planted on him so they could get dirt on his entire organization. It- it wasn't a very good movie.

It's 1992 and another Sidaris movie. That's all I got. There's not a lot of information about these films floating around out there, so let's just get to it. We have no Erik Estrada this time so we're just going to have to rely on Shane, Bruce, and Lucas to supply all the cool. ...oh no, WE'RE BONED!

A Ghoul Versus The Andy Sidaris Collection: Do Or Die

“Certain of our girls, like Roberta Vasquez, Dona Speir, and in some cases Cynthia Brimhall, they are as good as the gals who the soaps or do the stuff at night. But because they were Playmates, people thought they weren't going to be very good actresses. Check out some of the fucking broads on late-night television, they've got one blonde broad on The Pretender, and one blonde broad on C.S.I., they are fucking awful. They're not awful, you can't understand them. I've always said at least our girls enunciated.” - Andy Sidaris

Previously on Guns...

 

The latest chapter of the Trials and Tribulations of Donna Hamilton brought us a very enjoyable caper involving gun smugglers, transvestite assassins, a murder mystery that led to Las Vegas, and Erik “Motherfucking” Estrada. All of this fun came at a high cost however, as we lost our beloved Taryn to... huh. They never actually said, did they? They didn't even MENTION HER ONCE! BASTARDS!

Andy Sidaris went all out for 1991's Do Or Die, not only did he bring Erik Estrada back into the fold, he added Pat Morita as well. Honestly, I'm only excited about Estrada returning as it's REALLY hard to even hear the name Pat Morita and not be reminded of the utter abomination that was Jay Leno's Collision Course.  That movie left SCARS, deep deep scars. Let's hope I don't start getting PTSD-style flashbacks when I see him as I undertake A Ghoul Versus Do Or Die!

A Ghoul Versus The Andy Sidaris Collection: Guns

“Hope was terrific. She was good on the screen, but she was difficult. She thought she should be doing bigger and better, and we said please go do bigger and better. She was not a team player as much as we would have liked, but she delivered for us. She was always late, and very difficult, and she knows it. But we're happy she did our pictures, and she certainly had great sex appeal, but she just wasn't quite with the program. She's a nice enough person, she just wasn't right for the program. She finally had her breasts made just right, and when we were getting ready to make Guns, she said 'I don't want to expose my breasts.' We said 'Hope, bless you, child, we think the world of you, God Bless you, but we'll see you later.' Who the hell are we kidding?” - Andy Sidaris on Hope Marie Carlton

Previously on Savage Beach...

I'm still not really sure. A Filipino revolutionary named Martinez was playing all sides to steal a bunch of gold, half the cast was masquerading as someone else, and we got some clunky back story about Taryn's grandfather getting murdered by Crazy Katana Man. It was a very rough movie to sit through.

The 1980s are dead, long live the 1990s! The ULTRA creatively titled Guns is kicking off the new decade, although it's still very much a 1980s style movie. 1990s style action wouldn't truly begin until the following year when James Cameron and Terminator 2 redefined the genre forever, but that's another review for another time. Guns is most memorable for bringing the legendary Erik Estrada into the Sidarisverse, one of the most engaging actors to ever grace the silver screen. While his career has mostly consisted of TERRIBLE B and C-grade level movies, you can't once tell me he wasn't the shining highlight of any of them. Let's see what kind of magic he can work with this one, as it's now time for A Ghoul Versus Guns!