Sunday, October 12, 2014

A Ghoul Versus Saw II (Part 1)

Previously on Saw...

In which we met psychopathic serial killer Jigsaw, a man dying of cancer who kidnaps people and puts them into horrific traps they have to solve to survive. The traps usually involve physical disfigurement to survive, the catch that surviving this trap will make you appreciate life and change your wicked ways. At the end of the film Jigsaw gets away scot free, as we get the impression he's not quite done yet with his twisted crusade to make the world a better place.

The first Saw was the definition of a smash hit, made for almost nothing and turning a huge profit while getting very positive reaction from critics and fans alike. Its distributor, Lionsgate Films, knew they had something very special on their hands and wanted to create a new franchise based off yearly sequels releasing every Halloween.

One problem though: Saw's creators, James Wan and Leigh Whannell, had moved on to a different movie and were no longer available to helm a sequel. With less than a year from their targeted release date of Saw II and no one really having any idea what to do, fate handed Lionsgate a gift in the form of writer/director Darren Lynn Bousman and his script for a movie called The Desperate.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

A Ghoul Versus Saw (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Gordon tells Adam about his family, throwing his wallet over so he can see pictures of them. Adam finds a picture of Alison and Diana tied up, along with a message from Jigsaw saying “X marks the spot. Sometimes you see more with your eyes shut”. Adam hides this from Gordon and throws the wallet back. Flashback footage shows Gordon leaving his house after a fight with his wife, things only growing worse for her as the mystery figure from earlier breaks into the house, tying up her and Diana.
 
The man is revealed to be Zep, who peeks out the window for some reason. Apparently it was so he could be spotted by Tapp, who is holed up in a building across the street watching Gordon's house. We see something has happened to Tapp in the five months since first learning about Jigsaw, as he has gone a bit off the deep end and seems to live in a Room Full Of Crazy (complete with tons of newspaper clippings about Jigsaw pinned to the walls) while obsessively spying on Gordon.

We go back to the night of Gordon being questioned, with Tapp returning him to the hospital after Amanda was done speaking. Tapp obviously believes Gordon is still involved somehow, dropping a vague threat and driving off. Tapp goes back to his office to analyze the recording Jigsaw left for Amanda, identifying some of the graffiti on a wall to an abandoned mannequin factory in the city. Sing wants to get a warrant but Tapp dismisses this, because they don't need no stinking warrants!

A Ghoul Versus Saw (Part 1)

“I want to play a game. And like most games, it's going to go on WAY too long.”

Now that the snooze-fest Transformers: Age Of Extinction is out of the way, we now return to our regularly scheduled programming. Originally for the month of October I had planned to do a collection of widely varied horror flicks covering every category, BUT that changed when I got my hands on the entire Saw collection on blu-ray. Seven movies that completely transformed the modern horror genre, although the big question is was that a good thing or a bad thing?

Up until the first Saw movie in 2004, the mainstream horror genre had been kind of spinning its wheels as the trend at the time was a heavy infusion of sci-fi and/or action, leaving us with “classics” such as Dreamcatcher, Feardotcom, Ghost Ship, Resident Evil, Ghosts of Mars, Thir13een Ghosts, and Hollow Man. On the franchise side you had Friday The 13th and the Halloween series steamrolling their way towards a reboot with disappointing outings, while the only new franchise to launch was Final Destination, which, while being very entertaining, is BARELY horror.

Sure, some gems did sneak out during these dark times like 28 Days Later, the American remake of The Ring, and the WAY BETTER than it had any right to be reboot of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but for years it was just crushing letdown after crushing letdown. Saw changed ALL of this, bringing horror back to its low budget roots with a film that was harshly violent with very sharp elements of suspense and intrigue to it.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Optimus and Galvatron start duking it out, giving us another taste of the Autobot leader's legendary wisdom: “YOU DIE!”. Oh Optimus, you so crazy... and homicidal. Shit starts getting real when Lockdown's ship MAGICALLY APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE and fires rockets into Optimus. Seriously, that ship HAS to have teleportation abilities because I question how no one would have noticed a thing that big landing nearby. Lockdown emerges as slow motiony as his frame will allow, upping the slow motion shots in this movie to probably DOUBLE the entire original trilogy. He takes out Optimus with a volley of cannon blasts, announcing he has been sent by Optimus' creators to return him to where he was created. His... creators? But I thought the AllSpark- on second thought, I'll just let this play out because I KNOW there's more coming.

Lockdown deploys a giant net to not only catch Optimus, but the car he's resting his head on. This is important because Tessa is hiding in the car despite having multiple chances to leave. She's not the brightest explosion in the Michael Bay pyrotechnics pack, is she? Lockdown hauls them into his ship and takes off, leaving us to wonder how the net got underneath Optimus and the car to scoop them up? Why the hell wouldn't Lockdown's ship have a freaking tractor beam anyway?!

A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Age Of Extinction (Part 1)

Previously on Transformers: Dark of the Moon...

Wait, what? The new movie is out already?! Dammit... alright, I'll play. The original leader of the Autobots, Sentinel Prime, was secretly in cahoots with Megatron to save their race from dying so they cooked up an extremely convoluted plan to- rhaaargh!  This is futile, as virtually EVERYONE from the original trilogy is gone and this new movie skips ahead five years to really put some distance from the last one. Honestly, they should have just rebooted the series instead of trying to build off three movies of some of the repulsive garbage ever recorded by a camera outside of whatever E! TV is currently airing.

It's the first October on A Ghoul Versus..., which SHOULD mean I review awesomely bad horror movies but unfortunately I “lucked” into a copy of Michael Bay's latest middle finger to competent movie making: Age of Extinction. Morbid curiosity won out over the stack of horror movies I've been stockpiling, so let's once again reluctantly return to the world of Bayformers, the land that intelligence forgot. A disturbing world where the heroes solve their problems by committing graphic murder, women don't know what clothes are, and- actually, that's about it. Grab your gun that looks like a sword and is human sized for some reason, get a bunch of snacks because this movie is sadly almost three hours long, and get ready for A Ghoul Versus Transformers: Age Of Extinction!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A Ghoul Versus Star Trek: Into Darkness (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

To set up a drinking game for this movie, Shippus Interuptus happens AGAIN as Sulu hails Kirk with news a ship is approaching them fast. Kirk worries it's the Klingons, but Khan tells him he knows EXACTLY who it is. Kirk runs to the bridge in time to witness the Star Destroyer from Star Wars arrive- oh wait, my bad. It's the most ominous looking Federation ship in the history of ever, made of dark metal and probably the size of a small moon.

Admiral Marcus hails Kirk, dropping all pretense at being friendly the instant Kirk calls Khan by name. Marcus asks for Khan back, Kirk agreeing but it's all a front. After Marcus ends the call, Kirk orders the ship to warp to Earth against Chekov's advice, as the ship's core is still unstable from the leak. They take off anyway, Marcus able to follow them in his advanced prototype ship. Carol runs to the bridge and begs Kirk to let her talk to her father, as he won't destroy the Enterprise with her on board. This comes on the heels of Marcus opening fire on the Enterprise, blasting holes into it and sucking dozens of the crew into space to their death.

A Ghoul Versus Star Trek: Into Darkness (Part 1)

Previously on Star Trek...

JJ Abrams, Alex Kurtzman, and Roberto Orci helmed one of the best reboots in recent times and made Star Trek relevant again in the process. Five year later it still boggles my mind how spot on they nailed almost everything, making the new series an alternate reality that's free to tell its own stories without pissing off millions of hardcore fans. If they don't like it, no worries, they can just ignore it because it's not part of the decades long continuity. Game, set, match.

Enter Into Darkness. Right off the bat, the series continued Abrams' home run streak as he signed the RABIDLY beloved Benedict Cumberbatch to play the film's main villain. Most of the movie's details were kept in secret as it sailed towards its release date of May 16, 2013, although it was painfully obvious to long term fans it was going to be a retelling of the also rabidly beloved Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.

And then the movie came out. Critically and financially it was a success, scoring an 87% on Rotten Tomatoes and grossing nearly half a billion dollars on its way to become the highest grossing Star Trek movie of all time. However, among hardcore fans and Trekkies it became a movie that split the fan base. Although split may be the wrong term, as it seems to have gained far more negative reactions than positive ones. Being the Spoiler-Phobe that I am I've never read WHY so many fans didn't like this movie, but I can certainly understand why they don't like Roberto Orci.