As is the tradition, the Razzies are
always held the night before the Oscars and thus the 35th
annual show just went down yesterday. You may recall many, many
moons ago I predicted the abominable Robocop remake was going to rack up the
nominations in the same manner it racked up my complete disdain. I'm
always a big enough zombie to admit when I was wrong, but even I was
shocked at how wrong I was. Robocop didn't even score a
SINGLE nomination, not even in Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off, Or
Sequel. Fucking REALLY, Razzies? Did they not see that movie? The
Razzies have always had a reputation for picking on what's really
popular to hate, hence why Michael Bay and Adam Sandler always do
quite well come award season, but to not even give Robocop
acknowledgment of any kind? Pitiful. What did win for 2014?
Worst Picture
Saving Christmas (winner)Left Behind
The Legend of Hercules
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Worst Actor
Kirk Cameron for Saving Christmas
(winner)Nicolas Cage for Left Behind
Kellan Lutz for The Legend of Hercules
Adam Sandler for Blended
Seth MacFarlane for A Million Ways to Die in the West
Worst Actress
Cameron Diaz for The Other Woman
and Sex Tape (winner)Drew Barrymore for Blended
Female Adam Sandler for Tammy
Charlize Theron for A Million Ways to Die in the West
Gaia Weiss for The Legend of Hercules
Worst Supporting Actor
Kelsey Grammer for a fuckton of
movies. He had a ROUGH year. (winner)Mel Gibson for The Expendables 3
Shaquille O'Neal for Blended
Arnold Schwarzenegger for The Expendables 3
Kiefer Sutherland for Pompeii
Worst Supporting Actress
Megan Fox for Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtles (winner)Cameron Diaz for Annie
Nicola Peltz for Transformers: Age of Extinction
Bridgette Cameron Ridenour for Saving Christmas
Susan Sarandon for Tammy
Worst Screen Combo (this is
usually the best category)
Kirk Cameron and his ego for Saving
Christmas (winner)Any two robots, actors, or robotic actors for Transformers: Age of Extinction
Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel for Sex Tape
Kellan Lutz and either his abs, his pecs, or his glutes for The Legend of Hercules
Seth MacFarlane and Charlize Theron for A Million Ways to Die in the West
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off,
Or Sequel
Annie (winner)Atlas Shrugged Part III
The Legend of Hercules
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Worst Director
Michael Bay for Transformers: Age
of Extinction (winner)Darren Doane for Saving Christmas
Renny Harlin for The Legend of Hercules
Jonathan Liebesman for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Seth MacFarlane for A Million Ways to Die in the West
Worst Screenplay
Saving Christmas by Darren
Doane and Cheston Hervey (winner)Left Behind by Paul LaLonde and John Patus
Sex Tape by Kate Angelo, Jason Segel, and Nicholas Stoller
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles by Josh Appelbaum, Andre Nemec, and Evan Daugherty
Transformers: Age of Extinction by Ehren Kruger
Wow, one can definitely see some
patterns emerge from that list. Although I've always thought the
Razzies make more sense than the Oscars in that aspect, the most
critically acclaimed movies SHOULD dominate all categories. I mean,
a truly great movie isn't great based off the sole work of one
person, all fields that came together to create it should get their
respective shout outs like Silence of the Lambs did in 1992.
Saving Christmas really needs no introduction if you even remotely
follow movie news, it's the latest effort by... actor? Television
personality? Kirk Cameron, a “faith-based comedy” that is all
about putting the Christ back into Christmas! It was released on
November 14, 2014 to a slew of horrible reviews, racking up an
impressive ZERO percent on Rotten Tomatoes and has gone on to become
the LOWEST RATED FILM on IMDB.com.
To be fair though, after his film came
out Cameron took to Facebook to combat the negative reviews, blaming
them all on “atheists and haters”, urging his fans to upvote the
movie. This backfired as expected and the rating continued to sink
to the point where I'm shocked it's not in the negatives, so one must
take those zeros with a grain of salt as a fair percentage of the
reviews are by people just spiting Cameron for his bravado. Not to
say that I think the film is good, I've seen a few of his previous
movies and they hurt me like a shotgun blast to the brain, but it
likely isn't the worst movie of all time. I guess we'll find out
when it hits home video, which I'm actually shocked it hasn't
already.
Cameron Diaz racking up the nominations
for her acting is no surprise, I can't say I've seen her in a film I
enjoyed the past decade. She's one of those actresses that started
off strong with quality roles in Feeling Minnesota, A Life Less
Ordinary, and Vanilla Sky, then just started going
downhill quick. It doesn't help she's done mostly comedies as of
late, which have all been some of the worst examples of eliciting
laughter from an audience you'll ever see. What Happens in Vegas,
anyone? The Other Woman has gotten MASSIVE levels of hate to
the point it'll probably be popping up on here soon, especially with
the fact when I was doing my research for my review of Walk of Shame (which should have gotten a couple of Razzie nods itself) the two movies were compared to each
other more often than not.
I did see Kelsey Grammer in the fourth
Bayformers movie, and I didn't think he was THAT bad so his other
roles in the Expendables 3, Legends of Oz, and Think Like a
Man Too must have been ATROCIOUS. Think Like a Man TOO?
God. Megan Fox FINALLY winning a Razzie was long overdue, she was
TOTALLY ROBBED in 2010 and 2011 to the same level of Saving
Private Ryan not winning the Oscar in 1999, so it's good to see
justice has been served at long last. I've been putting off watching
Ninja Turtles for as long as possible, but I may have to move
it up my queue in lieu of her much deserved award.
I haven't seen Annie either, but
it does sound like it deserved to win as it was a BEYOND pointless
remake with some inexplicable updating. I have no desire to ever
watch that one, so I'll just accept it's somehow worse than Age of
Extinction. And speaking of that, congratulations to Michael Bay
for winning his second Worst Director Razzie! I'm glad he was able
to recover from his soul crushing defeat in 2012 when he should have
won for Transformers: Dark of the Moon but lost to Dennis Dugan for Jack
and Jill and Just Go With It. A two hundred million
dollar clusterfuck of epic proportions should never lose to two Adam
Sandler movies that barely even qualify as movies, just saying.
Of all the nominees on here, the one
that caught my eye most was the Legend of Hercules. Starring
Kellan Lutz of Twilight fame, this film sports a 3% on Rotten
Tomatoes and has graced MANY “Worst of 2014” lists. I've been
saving it for a Dueling Movies feature review with Dwayne “The Rock”
Johnson's own version of Hercules, but I think it's impressive
number of nominations just shot it to the top of my list. Expect it
in a few days unless it's the movie that finally does me in, but if
the last few Andy Sidaris films or the Houses October Built couldn't do that job then nothing can!
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