Saturday, August 2, 2014

A Ghoul Versus Dexter's Final Season Episode 3: What's Eating Dexter Morgan?

Previously on Dexter...

Deb killed El Sapo and then maybe threatened to kill Dex. That's pretty much it.

Oh, it also featured the forty-third scene we've gotten of Deb telling Dexter to stay away from her!

Thus far this season isn't even treading water, it's instead beginning to drown in it. It HAS to get better soon, so cross your fingers things start picking up as A Ghoul Versus Dexter's Final Season Episode 3: What's Eating Dexter Morgan?



Deb is awoken in her car by a friendly police officer, who informs her that she got drunk and smashed into a parking meter. He is forced to take her into custody, so she calls Quinn to come get her at four in the morning. Quinn, OF COURSE, lies to Jamie about the context of his call and rushes over to help her. Lying to Jamie now too, this is just going to end SWIMMINGLY well there Joey.

Dexter returns to Lyle Sussman's cabin, this time for work and not his personal mission. Things are different though, when Dex found his body it was impaled through the head and hanging by a hook. Now it's lying on the floor of his cabin, having had the back of his head blown off with a shotgun. Dex concludes this was done to make the cops think Sussman was the Brain Surgeon and killed himself so they'll drop the case.

At her house, Vogel gets a text from an unknown number telling her to look outside. She finds two wrapped presents on her porch marked His and Hers. In this His box she finds a part of the brain responsible for vision, and in the Hers box the usual empathy brain part. She shares this with Dex, who knows this means the Brain Surgeon is now watching both of them.

But at least he didn't cheap out on the gifts! For a guy who saws through the heads of people and scoops out their brains, this serial killer is ALL CLASS.

Quinn takes Dex aside and tells him about Deb's DUI, Vogel intrigued that Dex actually feels badly about the situation. For someone who is supposed to be one of the smartest women alive when it comes to psychology, I am REALLY doubting her intellect. Is it THAT hard to comprehend a person could change in nearly two decades?

There's also a subplot with Deb's boss Jacob Elway being hot for her, but we've seen this a million times already. What are the odds he sleeps with her and then ends up getting killed?

Dex gets to work investigating the list of former patients Vogel gave him, his next target a man named Ron Galuzzo. He works at a fitness store in the mall, Dex talking to him under the pretense of buying a workout machine and determining Galuzzo is indeed hiding something. Dex stops off at Vogel's to update her, Vogel more interested in why Dex didn't kill Deb when she discovered his secret. She spins this into a whole thing about how Dex is the “perfect” psychopath or whatever, all I know is I pretty much HATE Vogel by this point.

Why? She fucking sucks! I just got done pointing out how stupid she is, but it's just getting worse. EVERY SINGLE THING Dex does surprises her, which should cause any rational person to reexamine their original theory. Not her though, just listen to how she twists everything Dex says to make it seem like she was right all along:

Dex asks “Why are you telling me this? So I'll feel bad about myself?”

“Quite the contrary. I want you to revel in what you are. I told you, you're perfect.”

“How can you say that when you know what I've done to Deb?”

“That's my point. You're perfect as a psychopath.”

So yeah, every other word out of Vogel's mouth is bullshit turning everything back on what she REALLY meant to say. She does ask to speak with Deb, as she's now trying to convince Deb that only SHE can help her. We go to Batista's for more Quinn Filler, as he accidentally tells Jamie that Quinn was NOT working on a case at four in the morning. Jamie looks PISSED at Quinn, so pissed that she'll probably instantly forgive him after fighting with him for lying to her! Poor, poor Joey.

Just an aside, it is REALLY hard to find a picture of Aimee Garcia wearing clothes.

Deb meets Dex for dinner, where he shows her one of the patrons in the restaurant is a man whose life she saved when he was still a cop. Dex tells his sister that she's not a bad person and has brought a lot of good to the world, which seems to actually get through to her. Later Dex searches Galuzzo's house and discovers he's a FREAKING CANNIBAL, but then as I pause to reflect that this is Miami I realize that's not THAT shocking. Probably wouldn't even be page seven news in the local papers.

Deb, sitting in the police department parking lot and watching the video Dex showed her of her past heroism, makes the brilliant decision to get hammered and confess to LaGuerta's murder to Quinn. He quickly hushes her before she can scream it out to the precinct, taking her to another interrogation room to discuss the matter in private. Quinn doesn't believe her, as she's talking JUUUUST vague enough to make it seem like she feels guilty about LaGuerta's death rather than actually shooting her. Quinn has her write the details down on a pad while he calls Dex to come get her as he believes she's just drunk out of her mind.

Dex races there as fast as possible, taking Vogel with him as he hopes she can help him get through to Deb about the mistake she's about to make. Deb screams at them she's going to confess EVERYTHING, Dex injecting her with his patented tranquillizer and Vogel swiping Deb's written confession. Quinn, who is still obviously quite in love with Deb, helps them sneak her out of the police station without making a scene.

They take her back to Deb's place, Dex handcuffing her to the couch for Vogel's safety. Wait, he's going to leave Vogel alone with his sister? That seems like that's going to MAJORLY piss off Deb even more than humanly possible. The episode ends with Dex taking out Galuzzo, which for a moment there I thought he was just going to forget all about him so at least the show gets points for that.

Cue the credits.


One of my favourite things about the show Dexter has been how they managed to condense the usual television season of 20+ episodes into a lean, mean thirteen. This made EVERY episode feel like an event, with so much happening that the phrases like “they are stretching this out” and “filler episode” never even came up.

Not anymore, three episodes in and we BARELY have a plot at this point. That wouldn't be such a sin, but this is the FINAL GODDAMN SEASON. Everything's been building up to this, all roads lead here, all that jazz.

So far every episode has been worse than the previous one, and I found myself outright BORED anytime that Vogel started yapping for more than a minute with her circular psychobabble. This show needs to kick it into gear and FAST, because I'm almost starting to miss Lumen.

#TBT