"Yeah, I was sitting on my couch watching it and getting more ticked off by the second."
Do you realize the last SIXTEEN movies
I've watched have been horror movies? 17 if you count David
Fincher's Gone Girl, which I saw by sneaking into the theater
in a lowered hat and a trenchcoat thanks to their oppressive “no
flesh eaters” policy. Ironically, Gone Girl was scarier
than all over those movies combined and multiplied by ten, but we'll
get to that when it comes out on home video. Regardless, I am BURNT
THE HELL OUT on horror so it's time for some variety on this site.
As a reward to myself for enduring a month of nothing but
Hellraiser movies, I'm going to review a good movie. At least
I hope it's good, it sure looked amazing from the trailer I saw. The
movie in question is The Signal, the second feature film from
writer/director William Eubank. Like a lot of directors, he got his
big break making music videos and transitioned it into a film career
where he has become known for having a very distinct visual style.
I don't really know anything about the
film's plot, but that's undeniably the best way to enter an abstract
looking story like this one promises to be. Let's try and erase the
Godawful atrocity that was Hellraiser: Revelations out of our eyes and minds, because it's
time for A Ghoul Versus William Eubank's The Signal!
The film opens with three friends on a
road trip across America: Nic, his girlfriend Haley and his best
friend Jonah. Nic is played by Brenton Thwaites, a relatively new
actor with his star on the rise thanks to a KILLER 2014 where he
starred in Oculus, Maleficent, and the Giver. Damn,
does this guy ever sleep? Haley's actress Olivia Cooke is another
workaholic who, in addition to this film, also starred in the horror
films the Quiet Ones and Ouija... the movie based on a
Hasbro board game. Scratch that, the SECOND movie to be based on a
board game after 2012's baffling Battleship. I'm not counting
1985's Clue because that was fucking awesome, but before you
even ask, yes they're trying to remake it. Sigh.
Cooke did all of this while co-starring
on A&E's SUPERB TV show Bates Motel, the prequel to the
film Psycho. Get used to reading about these actors folks,
we're going to be seeing them A LOT when I get to all of those films
because I own every single one of them and WILL be buying Ouija
on release day. The third actor, Beau Knapp, isn't as high profile
as the others, his biggest role being director J.J. Abrams 2011
sci-fi film Super 8.
One night as they sleep in a motel
room, Nic gets a harassing text from someone called “Nomad”,
waking Jonah up because this is an ongoing thing. We learn from
their conversation Nomad hacked the MIT servers and blamed it on our
leads, almost getting them expelled. When they threaten to expose
the hacker he sends them a video of themselves in the motel room, Nic
realizing he's hacked into a laptop sitting on the bed and is
watching them.
Nic and Jonah hop on their laptops and
start doing... something that involves a LOT of l33t
speak. Do they still call it that? I don't understand a word of it,
but it does feel a LOT more genuine than most Hollywood films when
the hackers start typing a million keys a second and spout bullshit.
The result of this is they're able to find Nomad's address, which is
in Nevada. Since they'll be passing through there on their way to
California, they plan to pay him a little visit. Haley, who is quite
obviously the voice of reason, tries to talk Nic out of it but Jonah
plays the devil on his shoulder and overrides her.
We
learn the purpose of this trip is Haley is transferring from MIT to
Caltech, which Nic is less than thrilled about and has begun to
distance himself from his girlfriend. When she confronts him about
this, he brings up his worsening muscular dystrophy and how he
doesn't want to be a burden to her. They break up, Haley throwing a
necklace Nic gave her off a cliff. Yikes, this is going to make for
one HELL of an awkward rest of the trip. They head to Nomad's
address, finding it to be a small decrepit house in the middle of
nowhere. Finding the door wide open, Nic and Jonah enter the house
to investigate, Jonah bringing his camcorder along to record
everything and give us a preview of the third Blair Witch
movie you just know some producer is DYING to get rolling.
Seriously,
the movie shifts to a dimly lit Found Footage style for this scene,
complete with an homage where Nic finds Jonah sitting in the corner
of a room not moving. This turns out to be Jonah just messing
around, but WOW did this take me out of what was going on. The main
floor is empty so they head to the creepy basement because they're
either the bravest guys I've ever seen or the stupidest. Before they
can search the area they hear Haley screaming from outside, running
out to find the car empty and the radio playing a strange gibberish.
Shining their flashlights around they see her out in a field around
the house, where she VIOLENTLY flies into the air like a rag doll.
HOLY SHIT! As they start running towards her bright lights flood the
area and things fade to black. Nic wakes up in a wheelchair, being
pushed by a man in a white haz-mat suit into an equally white room.
Another
haz-mat wearing man enters the room and it's Laurence “I'm One Of
The Coolest Motherfuckers Alive” Fishburne! He places an ancient
cassette recorder on a table in the room and has a seat across from
Nic, pulling out a notepad. He introduces himself as Dr. Wallace
Damon, the head of the “transition team” that will be helping
Nic. Damon asks Nic about his encounter with “the signal”, but
Nic is more interested in why he can't moved his body. Damon ignores
the question and tells Nic he's made contact with an Extraterrestrial
Biological Entity and is wearing the suit because Nic might be
contaminated.
We cut
to later as Nic is being wheeled through a hallway, passing room
after room of workers ominously scrubbing down walls coated with
strange fluids. They pass a room with Haley asleep in bed, Nic
asking the man pushing him to stop but is taken back to Damon
instead. Nic tells him about his history with Nomad, Damon showing
him the video that Jonah shot. He pauses it on a tree outside of the
house, where a very X-Files
looking alien's face can be seen peeking through the branches. Yes,
I rewound to that scene but you can't see the alien there. Damon
quips they definitely weren't pursuing a hacker.
Nic is
taken back to his room, where he learns Jonah is in the next room
over as they're able to communicate through an air vent. They don't
get to talk for very long before Jonah has to leave for some reason,
making an odd comment about how he can't believe Nic is in the vent.
Later, Damon has Nic run through some tests identifying colours and
shapes as we see Damon is kind of a dick the way he treats Nic. He's
not all bad though, because he does briefly let Nic see Haley, who
has been in a coma since her impromptu rendition of getting punched
into the atmosphere by Superman.
In the
meantime Nic and Jonah work on an escape plan out of the complex,
Jonah sounding like his conditioning is worsening while Nic's is
getting better. Rather odd they're not SHOWING us Jonah, isn't it?
No time to speculate on that now though, because the next scene is
Damon and his team of scientists experimenting on a cow. No, not
Bessie! Before they get too far though an alarm goes off, the
intercom announcing “the subject” has escaped. A couple of the
scientists, who were wheeling Nic to his next test, wheel him into a
room in a panic and lock the door until the alarm stops.
As
he's taken back to Damon, we can see the hallway has massive scorch
marks on both sides. He inquires about this but once again gets no
answers, going on a rant about how easily he and Jonah could take
this place down thanks to the scientist's incompetence. That's when
Damon drops the bombshell that Jonah isn't IN the complex and has
been missing since Nevada. Well, shit. Nic figures this is probably
a good time to escape, so when the coast is clear he kidnaps Haley by
tying her wheeled bed to his wheelchair and heads for the clearly
marked exit.
Things
probably aren't what they appear because we see scientists walking
past this oddly hilarious visual without a reaction, almost like he's
invisible. Or maybe it's just a case of “not MY job, assholes!”
because other scientists show up and grab him just as he's almost
home free. The next shot is Nic waking up in a bed with Haley across
him, now out of her coma. They exchange some words before she falls
asleep, Nic trying to wake up up but the scientists in the room stop
him. He fights them off and ends up falling out of bed, finding his
legs (which have been covered by a blanket this entire act) are now
ALIEN ROBO LEGS. Okay, how did he NOT notice this until now? He's
been here for at least a few days if not longer, didn't he ever once
need to use the bathroom or did the aliens give him a robo digestive
system that doesn't produce waste? After a laugh out loud scene
where checks to make sure he doesn't have a robo penis, he begins to
freak out badly. Damon, who has been watching all of this through
one way glass, comes on the intercom and tells him to calm down.
Yeah, good luck with that doctor.
After
learning how to use his new legs, Nic KICKS THE GODDAMN DOOR off its
hinges and wheels Haley out into the hallway and back to the exit.
He makes it on the elevator out of the complex, Damon warning him he
can't guard him from “them” if he leaves. Nic tells him to cram
it with walnuts and shuts the doors. The elevator takes him to a
massive sewer tunnel, Nic following its graffiti covered walls to the
surface where he emerges in a desert. Haley wakes up in the fresh
air, Nic carrying her to the road where they hitch a ride with a very
bizarre old woman. And by bizarre, I mean BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY. If
she isn't revealed to be an alien, I'm going to be very disappointed.
Crazy Old Woman is played by the magnificent Lin Shaye, who has been kicking ass
since the 1970s with memorable roles in the first Nightmare
on Elm Street, Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin,
and is currently a co-star of the mega popular Insidious
franchise. She also had a role in Ouija
with Olivia Cooke, so that'll be like a Signal
homecoming when I get to it. She drops them off at a truck stop,
telling Nic to remember to “push from the inside out”. This is
one of the weirdest things I've ever seen, and I've seen David
Lynch's Inland Empire.
Nic
has Haley sit on a truck while he goes to get some help, but she
seems REALLY out of it. She hasn't said anything since her rescue
which I'd like to chalk up to the massive amount of drugs probably
still in her system, but after the whole Jonah reveal I'm not
trusting anything this movie is showing me. She hasn't even
questioned how he's able to walk without his crutches for crying out
loud! Nic enters the bar and tries to use the phone, but it's down
because even though this is an independent movie it's STILL a movie.
Things
only get worse and more movie-y as a news broadcast pops up on the TV
reporting Nic and Haley's escape. Fortunately for Nic none of the
patrons in the bar seem to notice this, but unfortunately for Nic he
sees the truck Haley was on start driving away. He's able to chase
the speeding truck away thanks to the power of his new legs, jacking
the truck with an assist from Haley who pulls the trucker's own gun
on him. They drive down the highway, only to find it ends in a
gigantic crevice. Oh shit Nic, I think you're in Silent
Hill. RUN DUDE RUN!
We see
what Damon's up to as he mobilizes a strike force to track down his
escaped patients. They question Crazy Old Woman, who has only gotten
MORE insane since we last saw her as she begins to babble a whole
bunch of nonsense until Damon takes out a gun and shoots her. Yeah,
I don't blame him. She was scaring the living fuck out of me too.
Nic and Haley try a different route, finding a deserted tourism
center they decide to stay the night at until they can figure out
their next course of action. Haley grows more and more detached,
telling Nic she can hear a sound that he can't hear.
That
night we see Damon's men arrive at the center, Nic hearing them and
goes to hide with Haley in the center's kitchen. Only we see this
was the classic misdirection trick, as Damon is in a completely
different building. He's in the trucker's house, the two seeming to
know each other as Damon addresses him as James. The trucker is now
out of his mind as well, trying to shoot Damon with a shotgun but it
won't work. Damon's gun does work however, and he puts a bullet
through James. This was a very strange scene in a movie that is
growing more surreal with each passing moment. Time's getting short,
can it pay ANY of this off?
So
what was the noise Nic heard? Why, it was our old friend Jonah, now
slightly crazed and wearing a stolen haz-mat suit of his own. Nic
put's Haley to bed, noticing she has an alien implant on the base of
her neck. Jonah reveals his theory about what is going on, based off
a numbered tattoo that all three share: 2.3.5.41. This adds up to
51, so he believes they're being held at the famous Area 51
government base/alien conspiracist heaven. To prove his point, he
shows Nic how everything in the kitchen is actually fake.
Nic
doesn't want to believe all this, but is silenced when Jonah shows
off his new body modification: ROBO ARMS! The next morning the three
board the truck and take the only other possible road out of the
area, which is blocked off by a heavily armed security checkpoint.
Jonah tries to bluff his way through by impersonating a scientist,
but this all goes to hell and the guards deploy a concrete column
that halt the truck from advancing. Jonah hops out of the truck to
sacrifice himself so his friends can escape, punching THOUGH the
column and allowing them to drive off. He's not done there though,
as he starts doing some Incredible Hulk-like ground pounds to stop
the rest of the soldiers. BAD. ASS.
The others drive on only to be stopped by another roadblock, this one headed by
Damon. They try to drive around but the soldiers deploy spike strips
that causes the truck to crash. Nic
wakes up on the highway across from Haley, who mouths “I love you”
as they reach out and hold hands. Scientists arrive and load her
onto a helicopter, Nic finding the necklace he thought she threw away
in his hand. He gets up to try to save her, but Damon informs him
it's too late and the chopper is to far away. A strange siren like
noise sounds out in the sky, which seems to surprise even Damon. The
scientist delivers these words:
“Take
a look at yourself, Nic. The perfect integration of human will and
alien technology. Our finest achievement.”
Ignoring
this, Nic just kind of stares blankly at Damon until he notices his
name on the front of his haz-mat suit. “Nomad?”, he asks. SON
OF A BITCH! SON. OF. A. BITCH. How the fuck did I miss that?!
Did they really just do that? Did they REALLY just hit us with a
“the bad guy was hiding in plain sight the entire time with his
name spelled backwards” plot twist?!? Oh my God, this is some
Encyclopedia Brown
shit right here. I almost think I should just stick to reviewing
Michael Bay movies if I wasn't smart enough to catch this.
Damon
confirms he is Nomad, and Nic starts to get aaaaaaaaangry. Not as
angry as I am right now, but it's up there. Something I haven't
mentioned yet because they're almost completely pointless, the entire
time the film has been flashing back to events from Nic's life before
his muscular dystrophy. He was a cross country runner, and numerous
times we see him running through a forest until he hits a river and
can't run any further. This is the payoff for those, as the film
begins to parallel Nic stuck there to where he's stuck now.
Clenching
his fists, he begins to scream, which in turn causes his legs to
start glowing. And then he starts running like the motherfucking
Flash, right THROUGH a car which leaves it a flaming mess. He runs
down the road and across a bridge, easily outrunning the soldiers
shooting at him because he's nothing but a blur. And then... he runs
into a glass barrier to find himself in a darkly lit warehouse
looking area. He looks behind him to see Nomad standing at the edge
of the shattered barrier, the scientist taking off his haz-mat suit
to reveal the entire back of his head is a series of alien mechanical
parts. The camera pans out to show the rest of the dark area, which
is a MASSIVE domed spaceship (numbered 2.3.5.41) about to land on
what is presumably the aliens' home world.
Cue
the credits.
This
movie reminded me a lot of Inception,
not in story or plot but the fact they both had mind blowingly
AWESOME trailers that turned out to completely misrepresent what the
movie was like. Inception's
made it look like it was going to be an extravaganza full of trippy,
larger than life special effects, it really wasn't though, but was
instead a rather self contained and dramatic affair. This was not a
bad thing, as Inception
has become one of my all time favourite films and one I've watched
more than any other film since 2010.
The
Signal's trailer did
the exact same thing, a crazy cool trailer that also turned into an
intimate film that largely took place in a few rooms. Sadly it
lacked Inception's
well developed story and characterization, as Eubank was much more
focused with visuals and mindfuckery for the sake of mindfuckery. He
did a great job of this, but it all comes off very disappointing as
it basically amounts to 90 minutes of “none of this really
happened”.
It's
all very straightforward when you look at it: the aliens kidnapped
the three students, fused them with body altering technology, and
subjected them to all kinds of psychological experiments. The big
question here is WHY? Are they bored? Do they need human hybrids to
fight some kind of war for them? If these aliens have intergalactic
technology, why are they messing with a bunch of primitive humans?
What exactly is their end game?
What's
the deal with Crazy Old Lady and Crazy Trucker? The impression I got
is they were failed experiments the aliens were keeping around in
their fake truck stop, but again, WHY? If coming into contact with
Nic and Haley made them get infected and start going crazy, why
didn't they infect each other previously? We see the truck stop has
at least half a dozen people, all of which should have been shot by
Damon if the simple act of coming into contact with another hybrid
spreads the contagion. There's also the strange cow scene which
still makes no sense, since Nic wasn't there it wasn't part of his
tests so what the hell were they doing? Jonah's comment about Nic
being in the vent bugs me too, why would he think he was INSIDE the
vent rather than just in the next room over? I also assume Jonah is
the subject that escaped during the cow test, so why were the walls
burnt instead of shattered?
I
could really get nitpicky with things like why is Damon using a gun
to kill people when it has nothing to do with the current experiment,
but it wouldn't matter because this isn't that kind of a movie. One
could also easily compare this to Prometheus in
that it's a “the journey is what matters, not the destination”
type of story. Which is fine if that's what you're setting out to
do, but I really would have preferred more of the bombastic weirdness
the trailer promised us if that was the case (which it TOTALLY is).
Despite
how it might sound so far, I didn't hate this movie as it kept me
VERY interested from the opening all the way to the credits, which is
getting more and more rare with sci-fi movies lately. It has JUST
ENOUGH in it to elevate it above the “style over substance” trend
movies I always bitch about, even with the aforementioned priority on
the visuals. The actors were all pretty good, even though we stopped
getting to know them after they got abducted. No one really had much
to say besides Fishburne's character, but a lot of that came with his
line reading brilliance rather than the dialogue itself. I also want
to mention how virtually every review for this film points out how
Haley was basically a non-existent damsel in distress, which is true,
but Eubank has said if he does a sequel to this he has bigger plans
for her so we'll see if that ever goes anywhere.
This
also had a great tone thanks to the the nonstop feeling of uneasiness
the movie gave me, every scene you're just waiting for the shit to
hit the fan and when it does it is GLORIOUS. Eubank is already one
of the flashiest directors working today, and it's just a matter of
time before he's given $200 million dollars to REALLY flaunt his
skills. Do not be surprised if you here he'll be directing a
blockbuster Marvel or DC movie in a couple of years, because after
James Gunn's Guardians of the Galaxy
rocked the world I think Hollywood is about to start taking some
major gambles on indie directors.
I'd
give this a recommendation if you want to see a captivating thriller
or a more cerebral take on sci-fi, with the requirement you do NOT
watch the trailer and get your hopes up. I can definitely say I
would have enjoyed this a lot more if my expectations hadn't been so
high, and maybe in a few months when I get over how pissed I am that
I missed the Nomad/Damon thing I might even give this a strong
recommendation.
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