A Ghoul Versus Alex Cross (Part 2)

Click here for Part One!

Alex and Tommy meet up, but they must have taken a wrong turn as they're suddenly in a Mission Impossible movie as they break into the police station THEY WORK AT by climbing onto the roof and knocking out its security system. Tommy uses a blowtorch to cut through a barred window so they can gain access, and then viciously knocks out a cop that spots them. GOOD GOD THE STUPID. They're cops that WORK AT THE POLICE STATION, there is absolutely no reason they had to break their way in and probably give one of their fellow coworkers brain damage besides the fact it gave us a scene that looked mildly cool. Rob Cohen!

So what are they doing at the place they work at anyway? They're raiding an evidence room, which they could have TOTALLY gained easy access to seeing as how they're homicide detectives, but WHATEVER. I didn't puzzle over this too much, as I was distracted by the presence of a Lightning McQueen toy sitting on one of the evidence shelves and started making up my own story as to what kind of crime was committed with it.

A Ghoul Versus Alex Cross (Part 1)

“Don't Cross Alex Cross... or he'll make you watch this movie!”

You may not know this, I certainly didn't, but Alex Cross is the latest in the Hollywood craze of rebooting older franchises with a hip and younger cast. The franchise in question is the Alex Cross series, consisting of the movies Kiss The Girls and Along Came A Spider, which starred Morgan Freeman as the eponymous police detective/psychologist. Despite my love for Freeman, I've never seen either because Ashley Judd was in one of them and A GHOUL CAN'T STAND ASHLEY JUDD.

I've never read any of the books the series is based on either, so I have no idea how loyal they are but I'm going to go out on a crazy limb and guess “not very”. I know this movie is loosely based on the twelfth book of the series, because if there's one thing Hollywood is awesome at it's adapting books out of order.

Announced in 2010, Alex Cross was originally going to be a VERY different movie. It was going to star the ridiculously awesome Idris Elba, who took the role based off the “phenomenal” script it had. It was going to be directed by David Twohy, who is pretty hit (Pitch Black) or miss (everything else Riddick) but is at the least a competent director.

A Ghoul Versus World War Z

Click here for the a look into the troubled production of this movie!

We open with a black screen that says “Plan B”. I take this to mean “Plan A” has failed and we'll start off the movie knee deep in zomb- oh, turns out that was just a studio logo. They got me good!  The film opens with a montage of worldwide news reports. They start off innocent enough, but more and more start mentioning a virus. A virus? Oh boy, here we go again... another movie where the zombies aren't actually zombies but just INFECTED. Credits play to the side of the screen, Matthew Bellamy of Muse getting a music credit. Well, if this film turns out to be bad at least it'll have some good music.

We start with a house in Philadelphia, where Brad Pitt and his wife Karin get ambushed in bed by their two daughters who wake them up for breakfast. As they go about the day, we learn the older daughter (Rachel) has asthma.  You ever notice kids in these movies ALWAYS have to have a physical ailment that'll flare up at the most inopportune, but also most dramatic, moment?

A Ghoul Versus The History Of World War Z

World War Z is based on a book of the same name by Max Brooks, and when I based on I mean “they share the same title”. This is one of the most baffling and frustrating things Hollywood does, they spend millions of dollars to buy the rights to an established franchise and then use virtually NOTHING from said franchise.

This accomplishes in only alienating fans of the established franchise, who admittedly are NEVER the intended audience of the movie. So why go the trouble of jumping through all the legal hoops and spending tons of money that could have been better used elsewhere when you could have just as easily called your movie Nightgirl instead of Catwoman? Robot Uprising instead of I, Robot? Cyborg Avenger instead of the remake of Robocop? Gentleman Freedom Fighter instead of V For Vendetta? Yeah, we'll get to this one someday when I'm brave enough to take on the Wachowski body of work.

As said best by the author of the first two drafts of World War Z's screenplay, “If all you wanted to do was an empty-headed Rambo-versus-the-zombies action film, why option this really elegant, smart book?” In-freaking-deed.