A Ghoul Versus Saw II (Part 2)

Click here for Part 1!

Xavier returns to the safe room, trying in vain to open the safe until he notices a number tattooed on the back of Gus' head. Jigsaw's clue from the first tape plays in his mind, as the proverbial light bulb goes off over his thick skull. He kills Jonas and gets the number off his neck, taking off after the rest of the survivors.

They're across the house, Laura finally finding the X Jigsaw mentioned way back when on a picture frame. Addison looks behind it to find a picture of Matthews and Daniel, confronting him over this but Laura has the courtesy to break up the tension by dying. Now THAT'S how you change an awkward subject! Addison decides she can't trust anyone and takes off on her own. Xavier gets the number off Obi's remains while Amanda discovers Jonas' body and drags Daniel to safety.

I can't help but wonder what the point of this little plot was, as Jigsaw said when they found 'X' it'd help them all realize why they're there. Sure, Matthews arrested all of them but how it THAT going to help? All it's going to do is make them turn on Daniel and probably try to kill him, which is VIOLENTLY counterproductive to Jigsaw's master plan. I guess since Jigsaw can anticipate everyone's decisions in perfect detail he knew by the time it was discovered most of them would be dead and it wouldn't matter, but still it seems like an odd thing to leave hanging out there.

A Ghoul Versus Saw II (Part 1)

Previously on Saw...

In which we met psychopathic serial killer Jigsaw, a man dying of cancer who kidnaps people and puts them into horrific traps they have to solve to survive. The traps usually involve physical disfigurement to survive, the catch that surviving this trap will make you appreciate life and change your wicked ways. At the end of the film Jigsaw gets away scot free, as we get the impression he's not quite done yet with his twisted crusade to make the world a better place.

The first Saw was the definition of a smash hit, made for almost nothing and turning a huge profit while getting very positive reaction from critics and fans alike. Its distributor, Lionsgate Films, knew they had something very special on their hands and wanted to create a new franchise based off yearly sequels releasing every Halloween.

One problem though: Saw's creators, James Wan and Leigh Whannell, had moved on to a different movie and were no longer available to helm a sequel. With less than a year from their targeted release date of Saw II and no one really having any idea what to do, fate handed Lionsgate a gift in the form of writer/director Darren Lynn Bousman and his script for a movie called The Desperate.

A Ghoul Versus Showgirls (Part 2)

Click here for Part One!

But this is still Showgirls, so we have to take things too far as he starts berating Nomi because her nipples don't stick out far enough and this is the part where I point out Eszterhas was paid ALMOST FOUR MILLION DOLLARS to write this movie. And this was back in the early 90s when Hollywood budgets weren't the insanity-laced trainwrecks they are today.

Nomi finally has enough of Tony's asshole-dom, so she STORMS OFF back into the dressing room where she runs into Cristal, who was watching the entire audition. Nomi tells Cristal that she hates her, to which Cristal responds “I know”. Not quite Han and Leia, is it?  Nomi leaves the hotel, where she just happens to bump into Plummer who is now working there as a bellhop. Good God, this guy is like Lois Lane in Man Of Steel, able to appear wherever the plot needs me for lazy convenience in a single bound.  Nomi tells him she just auditioned to be a showgirl, and he unintentionally sums up how totally moronic the entire plot for this movie really is:

“You don't want to be in this kind of show. What you're doing, at least it's honest. They want tits and ass, you give them tits and ass. Here, they pretend they want something else, and you still show them tits and ass.”

Really, how am I supposed to follow that?

A Ghoul Versus Showgirls (Part 1)

“Follow one woman's EPIC QUEST to go from being a full nude dancer to a topless dancer!”

We've got a tough one today, perhaps one of the hardest movies ever to pin down. Showgirls is a rather notorious film, for years it was hailed as one of the worst movies ever made but at the same time has steadily grown a massive cult following that celebrate it as THE “So Bad It's Good” movie. And I'm not kidding when I say MASSIVE, it has gone on to become one of MGM's best selling home video release of all time.  Which means it gets to rub shoulders with Gone With The Wind, Apocalypse Now, Ben-Hur, and... oh geez, Willow?! Okay, so that achievement isn't THAT impressive.

On paper, this film had everything going for it. It was to be directed by Paul Verhoeven, who was MOLTEN HOT at the time as his last three movies had been the smash hits Robocop, Total Recall, and Basic Instinct, the films having grossed over $600 million dollars domestically. Which, when adjusted for inflation, is probably like a kazillion dollars, give or take a jillion.